THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BY: cassper
yeah, CASPER that's my old nickname from childhood,cause I looked like him.I'm a 26 year old male attending college, and everything's supposed to be great.Well,it's not.Last year,I went through a real rough time personally-my roommate got engaged, and his fiance talked him into moving out, and stuck me with the rent.Yeah,he got out of the lease too-don't ask me how-.This caused me great stress (financial and emotional), and last April,I almost snapped.I went to the counseling service they have here, and they helped me immensely. They diagnosed me as being moderately depressed, and the psychiatrist put me on Wellbutrin and Trazodone(I'm sure some of you are familiar with these). Everything was going ok after that, but lately I'm feeling the same old 'blahs'coming back. My doctor says it's normal for this,and raised the dosage of my meds.Now I'm in a 'daze'half the time,and I'm having trouble in classes. I should say that I'm a shy guy to begin with, and it's hard for me to make friends with anyone-i don't want to be hurt anymore-.So,most of my nights are spent in the library or alone at home.I guess what I'm looking for is similar to some others here-someone to talk to.Does anyone have a or had an experience like mine? Or am I alone out here...? I would enjoy a email correspondence with anyone willing to converse about anything.i've been through alot in my life, and maybe I can help you too..i'm a psych major! my address can be found by clicking on my name.thank you for your time.
FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BY: DREW (nick name)
I'm a 16 year old guy who is very depressed over a recent break up with my girlfriend. We were together for about one year and five months. She was my first "real" girlfriend. I mean I had been with a couple of other girls but for no longer than a month. Even us getting together was sort of scandalous because she was by best friend's girl and I guess you could say I stole her. But I didn't care because I liked her. Ever since the beginning I devoted all of my time to her (And I mean all of my time!). I even convinced my strict parents to accept her in my house. I fell in love with her within the month. I loved everything about her. We spent every day together. A day didn't pass where we weren't together (and that's no exaggeration). We began to have sex around three months after getting together. She wasn't a virgin and she told me at the time that she had only had one prior sex partner (My ex-friend). And I accepted it without even a hint of anger or judgement. Shortly after that she told me she still had feelings for another ex-boyfriend and so we split (this was the second most painful day of my life). She said she didn't love me any more and many other hurtful things. I had never experienced such pain (Note: Her ex was in Jail). Maybe a day later we reconciled (I loved her too much just to let go). And she said didn't mean everything she said and that she was sorry. After that I explicitly asked her if she was sure I wasn't just a place holder for the guy in Jail and she assured me I wasn't. So we continued our relationship. By this time I knew about all her past relationships (or so I thought). She had already had close to a dozen boyfriends, and those were just the serious ones, most of them lasting more than six months (some even years). She had a boyfriend that died by choking on a toy while playing soccer and she held him as he was dying and this was only when she was in 7th grade. Well anyways, the next shocker from her was that she was still writing to the guy in jail and she had lied about only having one sex partner prior to me. I was mad but forgave her almost immediately. And she once again assured me that I wasn't a place holder for that guy and that she wasn't going to write to him anymore. So once again we continued our relationship. From there on we were great from anywhere from 5-7 months. My love grew to something I never thought was possible. She brought unmeasurable happiness to me. I thought we would be together forever. We even promised that we would stay together FOREVER (she brought it up). After that I thought we were inseparable. So this brings us to February 14, 2002 (yes Valentine's Day) she bought me Balloons and we were very happy that day. The next day (Feb. 15, 2002) we were at my house after school and we were happy as ever. She was filled me in about what happened at school that day (I didn't go). I couldn't be any more in love with a person. She was literally my whole life. She even superceded my own Family. So, She left around 7:00 p.m. (early) because she had to collect money from people that were going to attend her birthday party. She was going to turn 17 on March 5, 2002 but the party was going to be on Saturday, March 2, 2002. So she took my car and told me she might come back but just in case we exchanged a passionate good night case. At around 10:30 p.m. I called her house and she picked up, I asked how it went and she told me. But I detected some weirdness so I asked if that's all she did that night and she said yes. So I asked why she didn't call me when she got home and she said she forgot. So we said our good-byes and we hung up. The next morning she picked me up around 10 or 11:00 a.m. so we could play tennis. When we were there she was extremely affectionate. After we delivered the money for her bowling Party we went home and then we went home and fell asleep. She left until 12:00p.m. So this leaves us at Sunday, February 17, 2002, the day started by her picking me up so we could go sell some cans to a recycling center. I then dropped her back off at home. Then I went back to her house and we were very happy and playful. Then she decided to shower and then we went to rent a video. We then went to get some fast food, while we were there she told me that her ex-boyfriend had gotten gunned down and I asked how she knew and she told me that earlier that day someone informed her. Next I asked when he had gotten released and she said in late January of 2002. So not thinking much about it, we went to my house, we ate and watched the video. Afterwards we were just laying down watching T.V. I told her that I loved her with all my heart and soul, that she meant everything to me and that without her I was nothing. She reacted strangely and began to ask me why I was still with her if she had hurt me so much in the past. I simply replied because I honestly loved her. She began to get very emotional and asked would we still be friends if we broke up. Then she explained that she had something to confess so I urged her to tell me and what she told me I’ll never forget! She admitted cheating on me on Friday (2/15/02) and Saturday (2/16/02). I was so enraged, and I began to call her a slut and demanded I take her home immediately. She had cheated on every single boyfriend before me and I had thought that she had changed for me, I thought she was mine. She knew that infidelity was the only thing I would never tolerate. I chose to walk her home because it would give us time to talk (she lives about a 20 min. walk away). About halfway to her house reality began to strike me and I began to get very emotional. I started to ask why and how. I had assumed she cheated with the guy that had been released from jail. And it turned out she cheated with an ex-boyfriend, she still talked to, from 8th grade middle school on Friday, after picking up the money from her friends, and with the ex-boyfriend that had recently been released from jail on Saturday morning before she picked me up to go play tennis. That shocked me even more, to know she cheated with two different guys. When we arrived at her house, it was around 11:00 p.m. and by that time I was crying and asking her how she could do such a thing. We both cried and hugged for about 30 min. and then I walked back home. When I got home, I called her and told her I still loved her and, thinking she was sorry for what she did and still wanted me back, I told her not to give up on us. I told her to try and make up for what she did and she agreed. So on President’s Day (Mon. Feb. 18, 2002) we didn’t have school, so I invited her to go play tennis and we did and it was ok I guess. Then after being back home for only a few hours I went and picked her back up to go to the store and that’s where I made my move and kissed her but she seemed kind of reluctant. So after dropping her off I went back home and after evaluating the situation (again) for a couple of hours again I called her and asked her, Straight out if she still wanted me back. Her response was neither no nor yes but it was negative. So, now it was Tuesday, February 19, 2002, It would have been our one year and five months anniversary, and I decided to take action into my own hands. Knowing I still loved her too much just to let go I skipped school and went out and bought her several things including flowers, then I waited. I showed up at her house at 7:00 p.m. and took her to my house and gave her the things after that we went out and ate then returned to my house and rested. I tried several times to kiss her and she seemed very distant so I backed off. I took her home at 10:30 p.m.. The next day I picked her up for school. During school I asked her to write me a letter expressing her feelings, since she had not told me verbally. She agreed and she did. Let me just say that the letter did not give any hope of us getting back together. So this leaves me where I am now, still in love with this woman and yet there is no hope of an “us.” Nobody can have any idea of how much I hurt. I seriously think of taking my own life but I know that isn’t a choice. I can’t be home without crying and wishing I could go back and stop this from ever happening. I feel so hopeless and alone. I have all this Love for her and now we are just “friends.” I don’t know what to do.
THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BY: Mel
I am a 15 yr odl girl,that is so depressed,the only way I see things is to kill my self and get out of life before anything else happends to me.I was rapped 8 months ago,and that made things worse.But I have been depressed for the past 3 years,because people are so mean.Just because I am "bigger" then all the other girls,it gives them no right to pick on me,and so many people have picked on me,I just turned to being depressed and sucidal for comfort.I have slit my wrists before,and I just did it 15 minutes ago.I really wish I could get up the nerv to kill myself because life screws us all.
THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BY: Lunar 1
I just don't know what to do. I don't know whether or not I would be able to fulfill a young woman's needs. I am too scared to talk to anyone about it because I don't want anyone to know how insecure I am. I want to be able to pleasure her every need but I don't know how or if I would be big enough for her. please someone help me if they can!
THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BY: Nexus
I write on here every so often as to wonder if someone has found a cure. Loneliness is a disease or a curse. I haven't decided what it is yet. One thing I know is that people think they know how you feel. They are filled with shallow trite sayings like "Its always darkesr before the dawn" This is all well and good if you percribe to fantasy rather than reality. Hate to tell them real life isn't like the movies. Problems don't get solved in 2 hours. If there is anyone out there who feels remotely cursed like I am I encourage to email me at RNexus@hotmail.com. Ps If you are one of those courageous types who has some inspiring advice, please keep it to yourself. I'm not in the mood to be lied to right now.
THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BY: 43Bad
My earliest memory is that of seeing my Mother at the front door of the old farmhouse, and my father in the door between the kitchen and living room, the old stove behind me and being told to make a decision, a choice, between who I was going to live with. I didn't see my Mother again for 10 years. During that time, I lost my Grandfather and my Grandmother, who died in bed while I was sleeping with her. I don't remember my Father being around much, and when he was he was either drunk or too busy for me. Never had very many friends, just my cat FuFu. One day he got run over by a car and he was gone too. My Father remarried, and I never got along with my stepmother or two new step sisters. When I finally had enough of them, and they of me, I left home at 14 and travelled the country. I won't go into a lot of detail here, but suffice it to say a teenager on the street is open game for every sexual pervert around, and you get to the point where nothing means anything anymore, just do what you are going to do and get it over with, got a spare cigarette? Went into the military at 17, fought against authority for 8 years, finally ended up trying to kill myself just before I got out over a personal relationship and the loss of the only stability and home I had ever known. Unfortunately I survived it, and have tried several times since, all unsuccessfully. I can't seem to keep a steady job, or to keep my marriage on track, and now I am not sure I even want to try anymore. At the moment, I am not actively suicidal, but I am sinking back to that point rapidly, and even though I have tried to live for my kids and my wife, I am so tired of not being able to live up to what they deserve, which is anything better than me.
TITLE or NICK NAME: Jenny
It is a relief to see that I am not alone in my depression. I have had depression since I was 18 (I an 27 now). I stay to myself all the time and have nor friends and never had a relationship. Life is worthless to me, and I see the negative in everything. I know that looks do not mean everything, but a lack of them does not help. Alot of people think that depression is something you can snap out of, but is is really a permanent state of mind. Sometimes I think depressed people actually see things as they really are, and happy people are living a life of illusion. I see births in the newspaper everyday and wonder why these people are putting babies in this cruel, senseless world. The only people the world treats kindly are the rich, beautiful, and intelligent. If you are ugly,poor, or unintelligent, the world is more likely to treat you like sh__. The reason I want to end my life is because I know that I will never see the light again. Once darkness takes over your existence, it is hard to find the light. Of course, is there really a light or is it an illusion? I may leave my email so other dark souls can share their thoughts with me.
TITLE or NICK NAME: RD2Die
Im 16 years old, and i've tried to commit suicide about 4 times already. I'm so ashamed to even admit that but i have tried and when it didn't work i was upset. The last time i tried was May of 2005 and i took 800 mgs of pills and i spent the whole nite puking up my entire stomach. 2 days later and i was still puking and very sick going on No sleep. From then on i ahve been trying ot find other ways to kill myself with out the chance of it not working. I 've tried to sufficate myself and drown myself , but i always pull me self back before i pass out. I 've been starving myself, right now i've gone 5 days wothout any food. and i've passed out 2 times for about a minute each. I dont like myself right now for doing this to myself but i cant help it. Its better than cutting my skin up and beatin myself up like i yous't to. im not here for sympathy i actually wanted advice on how to help myself or atleast a good way to kill myself
TITLE or NICK NAME: dont really know
I've just moved to a new city a few months afo and while I like it Im finding it difficult to make friends. I do however have a boyfriend that I met on the internet after I moved to my new home and although we live an hour apart and dont see each other much except on weekends (if hes not working) i still iss him and feel very alone. I started college this past week (Im 20)and I thought I woudl have a few friends by now but everyone has their own clique and their own thing going on so I feel left out. Im pretty friendly but there are times when Im quiet and enjoy being alone. Is there something wrong with me? I find my college work real difficult and there are times when I dont know if i can go on. Ive spent 1/7 of my life contemplating suicide because Ive always felt alone even though I have friends. I just dont wanna be alone anymore. I really wanna go out with a bunch of friends and have a good time but I cant seem to make any friends. What should I do? If theres anyone who has the slightest idea of what Im going though could you send me a life line. I need it so bad.
TITLE or NICK NAME: mis-understood
Don't really know why I am going through with this letter, because I know deep down within myself that there just isn't anyone out there, who would be able to understand or would really care about what is really going on with in myself. Several of my friends, that I have came out and told them that I was going to end my life, they didn't take me seriously, they just pushed me away like I was just another peice of garbage to them. I don't know how to open myself up, so I keep the door closed to my heart. All the signs are there, if people are willing to see them. Sure, I've made many mistakes in my life...and living is the biggest one of all. In the past , I have tried ending my life several times, but have always fallen short of my goal. At times, I find myself really not wanting to die, but in the times now, I have come to realize that my life just isn't worth living at all. Too many mistakes that I can't take back, too much hurt that has destroyed my life...too much pain within myself to even try to let out. And if I did, no one would understand. I have to just face facts for what they are....I'm a mistake that has to be erased.... So yeah, I need to find the courage to go through the final door way and enter into a new life where there isn't anymore suffering or being mis-understood. I have been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts all my life. It really sucks, knowing that I can't control any of the feelings that I have been thinking. Seeing the faces when I told my friends and family that I was, "gay"...I want to so bad to end the pain that I am going through and have been going through, that I don't really care how I have to it. I have planned out my departure right down to the day and time when it will be. No one really knows what others are feeling, because to me they really don't care about others, just themselves.
TITLE or NICK NAME: whatshouldido
49years old and thought we had everything. Thinking the only way out is to check out.
TITLE or NICK NAME: Jess
I don't know why I am bothering to write this letter. I am just feeling extremly alone and hopeing that maybe somebody out there would care. I have been really depressed the past couple weeks and its like this pain won't go away. Everything is just so fucked up lately. If anybody wants to talk please just email me at jess_26_87@yahoo.com.
TITLE or NICK NAME: number249667901
I can't fall asleep. If there was a god and an afterlife of some sort, i would consider taking my life to move on. Move on to something better, or worse. It doesn't matter just as long as its different, as long as there's something. I believe that we are animals, organisms which evolved, but we are just organisms. We are like ants. We live our lives for a natural, community purpose-to destroy the world by using it up. Individually, my life, as well as everyone else's, is absolutely meaningless. God, religion, it's absurd. It's illogic. I use to believe that living a good life means living it for as many experiences as possible. My life is 1 percent up and 99 percent nostalgia and whenever that 1 percent of good comes its followed with a depression far worse then I had before. divorced parents, arrested, getting love stripped away, my inability to make friends, but no one cares. I don't expect anyone to. If anyone is reading this, they are probably just reading in order to make sure other people's lives are equally as fucked up. My life is fucked up just like anyone else's and some people have it harder than me. The only purpose of me writing this is to anounce, not to anyone, just to anounce, that I know believe, and am accepting, that everything in life is pointless. The mind is programed to think of sex almost constantly. I have to mate. I have to find love because I need the security. I have to do what society tells me to do. I have to obey. If I fight it I walk in circles. If I accept it I walk in circles, but at least then I get to feed my instinct 1 percent of the time. Struggle through life's pitiful pointlessness in search of good times or end it, ending all that is and all that could be, however pointless it may be, leaving no impact on our pointless world. All I can say is that nature is a cruel motherfucker for allowing the human brain to evolve so much that we can realize how meaningless, pointless, and so damn pathetic our lives really are.
TITLE or NICK NAME: gey
Hi i'm just wondering what leads people think that after death there is peace. have u think about it no one really knows whats after death and what about if u find more hell than waht you are going through right now. how are u going to fix it this time no more ways to kill yourself?? you will be already dead. in a way i think that taking your life is selfish since you are only thinking in yourself and not in what the reactions with family and friends will be. people sometimes seems not to care about our problems but have u think that everyone does have a problem of his own its just that some people do know how to hide it and are stronger than others. but still you never know how other people is doing untill you had gone through so many stuff and one things is true the world is for the strongest and is up to you to show that you are able to overcome any type of sittuations. the result might not be immediately and no one ever said that life is easy cus it will always have ups and downs. and I am not just writing this just bcause i am able to write. my life has not been easy but i still enjoy little things of life and think you should too. why do you have to care if other people about other people feelings if thay are not capable of seeing you beyond whats outside so you should be careless.
TITLE or NICK NAME: closed
i am 17 years old. i live in a small town and i go to a small private Christian school i was brought up Christian and i practically live at my church. my life is not that bad and i have a loving family but im just not happy and i dont understand why. i feel lonely all the time and i cry everyday. i have friends that like me (i think) but i wonder if they really care about me. i think about killing myself everyday all the time none of my friends or family know about these feelings. i have trouble expressing my true feelings. i just wish someone would love me. ive never had a boyfriend, i havnt even been kissed and im not very pretty.i fear i will be alone forever.i just wish i could tell people how i feel i wish i could trust and love people. i wanted to write this to know that someone was hearing me and im glad to know im not alone.
TITLE or NICK NAME: closed
i cut myself today for the 1st time. i dont know why i did it, and nobody knows about it and i dont plan on telling anyone.i only did it once and on my hip so noone would see, and i will live my life acting like im happy. im tired of pretending and being fake i just dont know how to tell my friends and my parents would freak, so thats why im confessing it on here. im scared and angry and tired. i just want someone to hear me but i dont know who to tell. hopefully i wont wake up tomorrow and have to worry about it. please pray for me! thanks for taking the time to read this
TITLE or NICK NAME: insignificant other
I have been the least significant person to everyone I have ever known. I fight the good fight daily to not just live in a perpetual pity party. I am academically successful and somewhat financially secure but that is where my security ends. My mother died when I was nine years old. I suffered molestation at the hands of a family member for years as well as a "friend" of the family. I never told because I was not well liked by anyone and I thought that it would just backfire on me. I have never had successful relationships with men. I had a child with a physically abusive drug addict and I am currently raising a child as a single mom pretending to be normal, crying at every secret opportunity. This is the worst time of year for me. I never receive any gifts for Christmas or Birthdays seriously never although I often give gifts and contribute to charity.I suffer from psoriasis of the scalp so I hide behind wigs which only adds to my insecurity. I am not by most standards an unattractive woman but I feel like there is absolutely no one in the world who would love me if they truly knew me and how awful I feel about myself. My life is a big charade, I am often the life of the party but often drive away in tears. I am active in my church but I feel as if I am not totally accepted there. People have often rumored that I am a lesbian not knowing how much I would like to meet a nice man and settle down. I always feel more loyal to people than they do to me even my family. I am often the lender, babysitter, ride etc. but when I am in need of any assistance I can forget it. I know that this sounds like a pity party but I would like a break just once.
TITLE or NICK NAME: åsa mattsson
I want to have a baby,...i have meet the man of my life ...but i dont have any periods now,havent have sins 3 years.Im 49 years old.I have heard that is posiple to eat hormones to get periodes back again....regardes Åsa from sweden
TITLE or NICK NAME: beanie79
IM THE LOST SOLE, THE LOST SOLE IN THIS FAMILY, I DONT EVEN EXISTS WITH MY SISTERS FAMILY FRIENDS, IM A GHOST. I WAS HURT SO BAD A YEAR AGO ON FEB. 14, 2005. I WANT TO HURT HIM AND KILL HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE. BUT I WOULD RATHER KILL MYSELF, HE STILL HAS HIS JOB FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME. I LOST EVERYTHING. I CANT EVEN LOOK PRETTY OR SEXY, I JUST DONT WANT THAT PERSON TO TOUCH ME. I WANT TO BE DEAD, I WILL TRY AGAIN IF THIS PAIN DOESNT GO AWAY. I AM HIDING IT TO EVERYONE. I DONT KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN A MALE EMPOYLEE TOUCHES U AND YOU ASK HIM TO STOP AND HE GRABS UR HAND AND TELLS U THAT IT WILL BE YOURS AFTERWORK, AND YOU TELL HIM, NO NOT NOW NOT HERE AND NOT EVER, AND YOUR THE ONE WHO GETS FIRED IS THE GIRL. I CANT HOLD A JOB, I WOULD RATHER LOSE MY CAR AND BE POOR THAN WORK, I AM HURTING I JUST WANT THIS PAIN GONE. I JUST WANT MY BROKEN HEART HEALED. ON VALINTINES DAY HAS NO MEANING AND NO SAFETY BOUND FOR ME. I WANT SOMETHING AND I WILL NEVER HAVE IT. I WANT TO BEAT HIM UP AND I WANT TO HURT HIM AND CUT IS THING OFF AND I WANT TO BE DEAD. I GOT THE DEATH SENTENCE AND WHAT 2 YEARS ON PROBATIONS. I WANT TO DIE ON MAY 12 ON MY B-DAY IF COURT DOESNT GO WELL. MY HEART IS BROKEN MY SOLE IS TAKIN AWAY MY LOVE IS DOWN IN THE SEWER. MY LIFE DOESNT EVEN EXISTS...
TITLE or NICK NAME: it never ends
I've been depressed since 13. now 18, that makes over 5 years of hell. over a year ago i was diagnosed bipolar. but i don't give a fuck about a diagnosis. i don't need a name for what's happened to me. i'm starting to give up on the medications. i've been on just about every one out there: zoloft, lexapro, trileptal, lamictal, seraquil, welbutrin xl, and nothing seems to work. what's worse, i'm not just depressed. i'm bipolar which is a life long thing. it's not that my boyfriend broke up with me and i'm going to be depressed for a few months or a few years. not that that depression is any less real. any form of depression is real no matter what causes it. but mine's forever. as long as i live i will have to feel like this. and the hell keeps going. i'm never going to feel relief, which brings me to suicide. but i can't do it. i want to, but unfortunately i have family. my only chance to do it is to distance myself from my family so that we no longer talk or have any contact. i'm moving out in june and after leaving, as long as i make a point to loose contact, then i can do it. that way, yes i will be hurting them, but at least they can then believe that i am still alive. if this was something that would pass, i would try to stick it out. but it's not. it never ends
TITLE or NICK NAME: lonely and lost
my story starts as a workaholic i worked 60 hours a week and then at the age of 54 i got injured on the job screwed up my back ,neck and ankle and now i am 61 and going through depression because i canot work and never enjoyed life because i never stopped to smell the roses i think every day about committing sucide because of the pain i am in and the failure that i have become.i have been on so many pain medications and antidepresiants that i am so sick of because nothing works and due to the medications they had me on i have diabetes now.i wake up in the morning and have to go through same thing every day and ask myself is it all worth it no friends everybody has pushed me out of their minds.isolation is my biggest problem,i live out in the country,and now i want out where to i dont know.i am lost,broke and scraed,i want it to all end.because of all this my son will not call or even talk to me.i think everyday will be my last. but it never is.it starts all over again,sucide is the only out i have nothing left.
TITLE or NICK NAME: lonliness at 19
i never used to be depressed, its somethong new for me, after highschool all of a sudden everything got really bad i stopped talking to everyone i knew. i started being really cold with everyone and just keeping to myself i started cutting my wrist with a rezor i dont cut very deep but i watch myself bleed and i feel better after i feel less angry i feel less sad after. i dont know why i feel this way i have an 8 month relationship with an amazing guy but hes the only thing in my life that makes me happy sometimes i think of commiting suicide but then i think of him and somehow life is worth living again. im so scared of who i might become if our relationship ever goes bad.
TITLE or NICK NAME: JACK
HEY, LONLINESS, LET IT GO BAD .. U NEVA KNOW HOW IT MIGHT HELP U EVOLVE
TITLE or NICK NAME: i dont know
pregnant at 16, single mother at 17, no help, alone everyday in my house, most of the day i sleep, never have an appetite, moms an alcoholic and has mental health problems, dads a lier and a cheat, mom and dad split up few months ago and i dont have a proper home,constant conflict between them, cant deal with the shouting and screaming and fighting, im split form my brothers and sisters, struggle with looking after my baby, i self harmed infront of my baby, i have thoughts of suicide,i dont have any friends, i find myself crying once to often, feel alone and i dont want to be here anymore! all this at 18 i cant take it and im too scared to go and see a doctor.
TITLE or NICK NAME: HAVE YOU SEEN HER
I met my friend when I was about 14yrs old. Just puppy love and it grew bigger into a commitment of eternal love commitment. He moved to another town and communicated and only some holidays he would visit me. After a few years in my 11th grade he was back in town for the summer, but this time he was grown, but still always confirmed his love for me and nobody else will take my place. That year he made me a woman which the two of us were very proud of. Still the promise of being together and after the 12th grade, we will get married and live happily ever after. In my 12th grade during the winter he was killed by a girl that he had an affair with and without saying a good bye my future was scatred... All my dreams .. for nothing. Life went on but I still used to think about him, cry for him etc. I went on with my life got married and had children. Now after 26 years I dreamt about him. How happy we are. How inlove we are still. And I woke up very painfull. I cry everyday with his two sisters after 26 years. It is like it happened yesterday. My heart is so broken. I miss him such alot. What can I do just to let this pain go away. for 26 years I had this pain ... But now it is worse. I miss him more than anyting in the world.
TITLE or NICK NAME: my son
my son jimmie was adhd and had an implusive disorder.He also had a phonation disorder he was.He was 6 years old when they started putting him on adderall ritalin which my son loss alot of weight.He was 11 years old and he only weighed 45 pounds.Then they started jimmie on tenex risperdal and concerta at 2 36mg of concerta. ever since jimmie was 8 years old he would pick at his fingers and take the skin off i told the doctor they had no idea.Jimmie was heart rate was beating fast. then after 1 year and 3 months Jimmie started hallunications seeing, and hearing voices which no one was there he kept bagging his head into the wall saying i cant get the voices to stop the voices are telling me to hurt myself. I told the doctor.This went on for several months. no one would i even asked them to place him in a hosiptial no one would listen.Jimmie hanged hisself on 4-8-04..its is very hard to go on but i take it one day at a time.Nothing will ever replace this loss i feel.The last time i seen my son he said mom i love you.
TITLE or NICK NAME: it hurts to the core
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