Suicide Secrets
Stories and Letters

This page is dedicated to online suicide letters, stories, opinions, and feelings
regarding the topic of suicide and ONLY the topic of suicide.


 You are welcome to write an entry, letter, chapter, or story on this page if:

  • You have had suicidal thoughts
  • You have attempted suicide
  • You know/knew someone dealing with the issue of suicide
  • You are suicidal
  • You were suicidal
  • You have "general" advice to offer people who are suicidal
  • You are going to commit suicide
  • You feel you need to write a final suicide letter
  • However, if you want to read or write about issues that cause negative feelings such as depression, sadness, loss of a loved one, or other troublesome emotions BUT you do NOT need a place reserved for suicide topics, please visit our other page called Blues Exclusive.


Editor's Note:
The public population has the ability to present controversial problems, and others in the pubic population are sufficiently capable of helping to acknowledge, address, and possibly resolve them.

Hopefully, our writers and readers will benefit from finding out that they are not alone in the world. If you would like to submit a chapter/story, please follow the instructions below, and your story will be posted on this page.


Editor's Update 02/24/02:

I'd like to remind all writers that this website does not provide formal counseling or official written responses to your entries. This page and has only one volunteer editor. Feel free to send email to the blue linked names that appear in blue throughout the page.

Editor's Update 05/10/2005:

(1) We are glad to be able to return to the Web after a couple years of absence. We had to suspend operations for a while because individuals were counseling specific people on this page, which made it appear as if the editors of the site that were offering the advice. You may offer "general" advice on suicidal issues for all of us to read, but please do not try to counsel specific writers directly on this page. If you see a blue link above a story, you may click on it to find their email address. Please use the blue links.
(2) Don't worry, we were able to save most of the suicide stories from the past on the Archive Pages
.


THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BY:   43Bad

I am not actively suicidal right now, but sinking towards that point once again. It is worse now than it has been in the past, when my weak attempts to drink a bottle of whiskey on top of painkillers or slicing my arm open or swallowing a complete package of OTC sleeping pills, and the only thing that keeps me hanging on to this miserable thread is the thought, "my kids..." I don't care any more about myself, or my wife, all I am good for is hurting her, not physically, but with my no good ways, but how would my dying hurt my kids? I am so tired of being sick and tired, and don't want to go on feeling like this.



THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BY:   Been there. done that.. don't do it

I used to think about killin myself all the time. I have been raped, molested, got pregnant from the rape, had an abortion, flunked out of college, contemplated homosexuality, felt confused about emotions and place in world. everytime I thought about killin myself. or try, something would stop me. so instead of focusing on pain. I said _____ the world. Im in pain. I just want to have some peace and happyness and that's what I did. I did a total tranformation. I cut out any people who were adding to my depression and just quietly went away for a while. no cell, no computers no nothing, just me and the forest. and silence. and I thought and I thought and I cried and I cried... and for a moment.. I was happy. no voices in my head. no people talking, just peace. I enjoyed the quiet, the sound of the river and birds, were stronger than the pain I was feeling. it took my mind off of all my hurts and woes, its not easy... I went to the doctor. I said well I have tried and failed so that must mean it's not time for me to die yet. I told doc everything and he prescribed prozac. it made me feel much better. That was 2 years ago. and I have been back on track. I could go into more detail but I came on here to say. I have a friend who never mentioned a word he was sad. one day I got a call. that he was dead. he stabbed himself in the neck. It haunts me until this day! I guess I felt like the only person like that, and for him to kill himself. fucced my world up. like I thought energy was not created nor destroyed.. he canceled himself out . I thought that could have been me! and I cried and cried. I wish he had talk to someone. .. So don't kill yourself. Find someone to talk to you can trust, and if you cant do that. give yourself some quiet time or check yourself into a hospital. Because believe it or not. Wanting to kill yourself is not a natural thing its preventable and having those thoughts are treateable. Its a moment of weakness where you need to be strong. Don't GIVE UP. live life. Don't let the PAIN be your master.. Overcome it, extinguish it and move on with your life.



THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BY:   Anonymous

My name is Julie and I am wriitng to all who are willing to read, This short story I hope will help at least one person who feels thay cant go on. Three years ago when I was 19 my mother commited suicide. It was her one and only attempt. She did it. Every day I wish I could have done something to prevent her from leaving this world. She felt as many of you do, lonely, depressed, scared and unloved. Her depression was strong and medicine didnt help. She was a wonderful person for her whole life but she was so depressed she felt no one understood. Everyday I miss her so much and I wish I could have one more second to tell her something... anything to make her look the away from the death she had. She hurt so many people and she had no idea that so many people loved her. My heart has a permanent hole in it and I doubt it will ever go away. THe pain she caused me is I am sure nothing compared to how she felt. I can only say that she missed so much when she left... she missed the birth of my children, my wedding and my little sisters high school graduation. That is only a few things she missed. She also missed the opportunity to turn her life around, if for no one else, then for herself. I hate that she left this way and for people to forget her and how she was only to remember her dying such an awful way. Please remember who you leave behind and even if you think you are alone and no one is there for you I can tell you your wrong! There is someone who loves you, someone who would be sad if you left, if you cant think of anyone I can assure you I feel pain for every one who becomes a statistic in the world by commiting suicide. It is never as bad as you think and it will get better but you need a positive way out and suicide is not. e-mail me at smalljulie@aol.com ThANKS.



THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BY:   A SURVIVOR

My name is Julie and I would like everyone who reads this story to know that you are not alone and the things that are going on in your life can be turned around...but NOT by suicide. It may seem like the only way out, but I can tell you there is always another path. Three years ago the most important person in my life left me by suicide. She thought it was the only way out, the only way to escape her pain caused by severe depression. This person was my mother. I was 19 when she left and my life has never been the same. The thing that I now realize is that she, just like many of you, didnt want to hurt anyone, only wanted a way out. She didnt think anyone cared or understood her. My mothers death hurt so many people, most Iam sure she didnt realize cared so much. I hate it that she is now remebered for her death and not her life. She missed so much when she left. I wish she would have got to meet her grandchildren who are now 2 and 8mo. She missed my wedding and my little sisters high school graduation. She thought she was doing us a favor by leaving. I cant tell you how wrong she was. I would give anything to have her back and If I can help anyone of you from doing this to yourselves I will. Iam left with this pain forever and maybe reaching out to one of you can help us both. If you need someone to talk to or just someone to listen please e-mail me at smalljulie@aol.com  I will answer. Thank you



THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER WAS BY:   Katrina

I am 14 years old, female, and an only child. I have alot of problems, but I will not say I have the most because I know that I have not hit rock bottom until there is nobody left that has it worse than me. I would pray for people that have that many problems, but I can't because I am an athiest. I want the reader to understand no matter how religious you are or what religion you are,I have nothing against you. Infact I enbrace you for being so comfortable and steadfast in your beliefs.I live in extremly religious comunity, mostly Cristian, and have to hide my belifes. Otherwise I might be jumped or even killed.Some people who have found out about it have called me things like: "spawn of the devil", "evil",or "Worthless,godless animal." I do not belive in the devil let alone worship him.l have had my house egged, toilet papered, Grafitied, and other disgusting displays of religious biestness. don't do it. It hurts. It has driven me so ar towards suicide so many times. I have cut myself almost every other day for the past 1 1/2 years. I am also a Buliemarexic, and a Trichotelomaniac (meaning I pull out my own hair.)I am on my way to recovery from my eating disorder, but see no end in sight of the self mutilation. Other forms of self mutilation I practice are head banging, wrist banging, and biteing. I don't choose to do these things but rather, I have to to keep myself from comitting suicide. I don't ask for sympathy. I just wanted to tell the world who and what I am. Thanks.


TITLE or NICK NAME:   Aná the failur

hi I am Aná and 12 years old from moldova and so far my life is mess both my parents are dead and I am living with foster parents, i have tryed to kill myself 5 times but none worked *shame* i dont have a reason to live accept from failing all the time, I wish I could talk to someone who has the same problem.Lately my best friend got killed and ever since my suscidal thoughts have worsened , my foster mother does'nt belive me so once I stabbed myself right infront of her and she was horrifyed but she still says that I was taking it to seriously, but what can I do!? I hate life, sometimes life is good but for me life life sucks that all say *byebye* hope you never hear from me again !



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Jennifer

I am a 27 year old female. I have wanted to commit suicide since I have been a teenager. Everything I try or have done turns out to be a failure. I am a homely person, and I have no friends. People think I am strange and a loner. I am looking for the easiest way to kill myself. I have neither the desire or the will to live any longer. Life sucks and I cannot understand whi people keep putting children in this pittiful world!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Jennifer

I just want to add that it is a relief to see that I am not the only person who feels this way. I have tried to commit suicide several times, but fear always stops. Because I have never dated or have had friends, I am seen as weird by society. Religion has not solved my problem. No offense to any person who is religious, but I find religion to be a brainwashing tool that makes people feel better about themselves. However, if religion makes you feel better than by all means, keep with it. I have always been self-conscious about my looks. My brother is a very nice looking man. He obviously has friends and a girlfriend. Not only am I deprived in the looks departmet but also in personality. I have been called ugly too many times to count by cruel, heartless people. I do not contribute my ugliness as the sole cause of my depression, but they certaintly do not help. Just remember that words are as bad if not worse than physical abuse. I know that words have caused me a lifelong heartache. My advice to anyone is to think before you speak.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Trisha

Last week I lost my 2 twin daughters they committed suicide because they couldnt cope with the split of me and my husband they was 16 and very healthy and beutiful they have left there brother and parents behind and me and my husband are back together so there was no need to what they did I miss them so much I cant cope without themthey were my whole life. To peaple who has read this and who want to die please dont think about your famiy and all those who love you thank you for reading this and I hope it helps you think on what you think is right.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Trisha

Last week I lost my 2 twin daughters they committed suicide because they couldnt cope with the split of me and my husband they was 16 and very healthy and beutiful they have left there brother and parents behind and me and my husband are back together so there was no need to what they did I miss them so much I cant cope without themthey were my whole life. To peaple who has read this and who want to die please dont,just think about your famiy and all those who love you thank you for reading this and I hope it helps you think on what you think is right.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   My lSoulmate gone

Hello to all of you my story goes this way My soon to be husband was in Operation Iraqi Freedom he came home safe and after two and a half years of loving each other and keeping quite about it because I was married at the time. We finally told each other how we felt we were amazed at how long we loved each other and he proposed to me only weeks into us dating we just knew we were meant to be we always said if people would step into our shoes for a min. they would know how much we loved each other it was perfect one of those things little girls dream about. Four weeks ago we had everthing set up to be married in less than a month and we were blessed to be expecting. And three weeks ago my soulmate killed himself no note no reason he just did it but I was there I went to go pick him a flower and turned around not more than a few mins. and I heard the shot and the scream. I ran to him put my hand on his heart because that is where it happened I screamed for help and told him that I loved him asked why and so on. My true love I held in my arms and rocked him listening to all the sounds of death happing in front of me and I couldn't control it and at that second he took his last breath. I can't express how much it hurts everyday I hear his scream all the time and I smell the blood all the time. If he only talked to me is what I say.. But he didn't we never had a fight nothing we were great together. So, the point I'm making is all of you thinking of suscide please talk to someone first because you just don't know the pain it causes for the ones who love you. Please feel free to contact me I would love to help sha05_27_____yahoo_____ The lost love and soul mate



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Not his babies mother

Well I know alot of people probably will think that my reason for contiplating suicide is stupid but this pain seems so unbearable. I just found out my mate of 7 years is having a second child with someone else. he already has a son with another woman less than 3 months ago. I know that I could just take myself away from him by moving or just running away but I cannot bring myself to it. I feel like the only way to leave is to die. Then maybe he'll feel the pain I feel. I love him and have given him so much of my young life. I feel this is the only way. maybe tonight I will take too many sleeping pills and never wake up again. then my mind will be at rest and my heart will no longer hurt. I hope GOD will forgive me.



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TITLE or NICK NAME:  

i'm new to having these scaqry feelings, out of no where i'll jus start crying, but not just a few tears I go into deep sobs and heavy breathing, sometimes when I get stressed I wont even b crying and i'll jus start heavy breating, and I cant sleep at night I jus think about why im still here and who would rly miss me, its takes me 2-6 hours to fall asleep. I told my dad I need antidepresants but hhe sed im fine and nott to worry about things. well its not easy to just stop, if it was then I wouldnt have a problem now would i? but music has helped alot, you should try listening to good charlottes hold on, and some other



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

About 16 months ago my husband was diagnosed with a genetic stroke/vascular dementia disease. This particular disease is what is referred to as autosomal dominant which means that any child of a person carrying this mutation has a 50/50 chance of inheriting the disease. Well, we have 2 children ages 9 and 11. Currently my husband is very healthy. He was diagnosed with the mutation after suffering from 3 migraine with aura headaches over a 5 year period. This disease usually begins in the third decade of life with headaches and then progressively worsens to multiple strokes usually in the fourth decade and then dementia in the fifth and sixth decades. There currently is no treatment or cure for this disease. You literally just sit and wait for it to take over your life. Needless to say, this diagnosis has been devestating. I try and focus on the fact that right now my husband is healthy but always find myself imagining our future. My husband is 37. We have a beautiful home that we purchased 1 month before the diagnosis, good jobs, some debt and two very beautiful at risk children. This disease is very rare. Only about 400 families worldwide are known to carry this mutation. We believe he inherited this disease from his mother who has abdoned him since the diagnosis. She will not speak to us and when we see her in public she pretends not to know us. We live in a very small community and have told only a few family members and two very close friends. In fact, our children do not know that their Dad has this mutation. I struggle everyday with pain and torment not knowing wether or not my children are also carriers. I struggle everyday with wondering when the strokes will begin and when my husband will no longer recognize me or our children. I struggle terribly and agonize over the day when I have to expain to my children that their father has this disease and they may very well have it too. It is here when I think of suicide. Life shouldn't be this hard. A mother should not have to suffer like this. I hang on everyday by thinking of just one reason why I need to be here. I need to be here for them. My husband does and certainly will need me to help care for him over the next 5 - 10 years. My children need me to grow up. They love me and would never understand why I left them. This is how I go on. Even though life seems hopeless, they need me. This is my hell everyday.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   blbobby

I have noticed that a lot of the people contemplating suicide are quite young--twelve and up. This is very sad as, believe it or not, you have a long life ahead of you. That means you have lots of opportunities to make differences in the world, nation, someone else's life, and, most importantly, your own life. I believe that each of us has the right to die when and where we choose, but this is the most important choice you will ever make. Once you succeed there's no going back--no more Christmases, no more hugs and kisses, no more quiet contemplative moments. Just nothing. True, there's no more pain, but there's no more joy either. It's just you and the worms. So, if you do it, make sure it's for a damned good reason.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Steph

On March 31st 2005 I found my brother hanging from the rafters in my parents garage. That night was the hardest night of my life. The last time that I spoke with my brother we argued. I just want to say to anyone who is thinking about suicide there are other ways. Try to stop and think about the effect it will have on all of your family and friends. Think about the effect it will have on the person who has to find you. The night that my brother did it he had called a friend of his and told her that he was gonna hang himself she said whatever and hung up on him. when my little sister called her and told her what happend she said " oh my God he really did it?" Never think someone is joking about suicide no matter what. When I was 17 I overdosed on tylenol in an attempt to commit suicide and my brother always reminded me of that so I never thought he would have done it himself but it doesn't matter what someone says to you then its the here and now that matter. I am still trying to cope with all of this 7 months later. I still have flashbacks and nightmares. PLEASE seek help before you.....decide to end your life.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   louise

i feel so much pain I just want a friend someone to tlk to who has been through the same ( roughly) I jst hate this! I have a family that is fed up with me and I have friends but no1 that I can rely on and hav a shoulder to cry on like I would do in return. what have I done to derserve this! please ssomeone jst tlk to me! plz I would like to kill myself but really I havent the guts. wat a stupid cow! ............................................................................ _____ LIFE!!! WOT IS THE POINT REALLY!!! to live and to die, kill me NOW!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

Where is Isa? “Have you seen Isa?” my oldest brother Kaido asked. ‘No,’ I replied. “Where could he be?” my brother wondered. My father, Isa, which means father in Estonian, had Parkinson’s disease. He didn’t speak much to anyone or even go anywhere lately except to work, as a mason. He stopped socializing many years ago and in the evenings would only sit in front of the television. Where could he have gone? Somehow, maybe spiritually, I knew that my father was dead. It was Halloween, 1980, in Lakewood, New Jersey. I had my own apartment about a mile away from my parent’s house. That was where my brother came to ask me if I had seen our father. He was starting to get very worried about where Isa could have disappeared. My little sister Kaia and I were getting our costumes on for a Halloween party we had planned to attend. We knew we should go back with him to our parent’s house and forget about going to the party. We phoned our other brother and sister to see if they knew anything. We knew they couldn’t have known where he was, because our sister Irja was living in Africa at the time, and our brother Viido, in upstate New York. It was our way of letting them know that something had happened to Isa. Without us having to say what, we all somehow knew – that he was dead. We headed back to the house to be with our mother, all three of us silent with fear. Our family house used to be surrounded by woods. The woods were full of paths that we had made while living there since 1962. I believe we all felt that he had to be in those woods somewhere, hopefully just going for a long walk to work out the kinks and cramps he used to get in his legs. My mother was crying and telling us that the last time she saw my father was when they went to bed the night before. When she woke up, he was gone. She said that he had been worrying about everything that night and that she had told him to just go to sleep. My mother and Kaido had searched for him the whole day. Halloween evening we all tried to sleep and think of where he could have possibly gone. In the morning, my nephew Paavo was sent into the woods once again on his motorbike to look for his grandfather. After about an hour, he ran into the house and locked himself into one of the bedrooms. When we finally got Paavo to open the door, he explained that he thought he saw his grandfather lying on the ground in the woods. My brother then called a police officer friend of his to come out to the house and take a look in the woods. My father’s body was found quite a distance from the house, far from any paths we had made. He had slit both of his wrists and lain down on the ground with his hands across his chest, until he died. He made sure no one would find him until he finished what he had set out to do. Parkinson’s disease is a disease that will not kill you, but it keeps you from living. It is a disease of the nervous system, and back then, it was a guarantee that you would end up in a wheelchair trembling all over. My father was one of the first people to try the new drugs they had back then, but the problem was that no one was sure about the correct dosage to take. The trembling in his right hand did not go any further, but he walked with a stiff shuffle, and his face would freeze into these tight expressions as if he was in pain. It seemed like my father was having one anxiety attack after another. I have had some of those in my life, and it is a terrible feeling. You feel like you are going to die. My father was an artist and illustrator, and it was his right hand that was trembling – and yes he was right-handed. Watching him try to paint sometimes made me realize that he was really only alive and not really living anymore. He was no longer able to do the things he loved to do. Three months later while I was waking up to go to work, tears streamed down my face. I had had a dream about my father. He was very young and handsome and was somewhere in a camp or hospital of some sort. My mother and I were walking in the snow to go visit him. He looked so handsome and young, that I wanted everyone to think that he was my husband, (I was 23 at the time). I asked my mother to forgive my father for what he had done, but she kept saying, “I don’t know. I don’t know.” When my parents finally saw each other they hugged and I knew that my mother understood what my father did and why. He did not want to spend his last days in a hospital being kept alive, when this disease had already taken away his life. My parents never bothered with getting any health insurance and did not go about doing anything the conventional way. There were always money problems and a tendency to avoid any kind of responsibility for taking care of things. I always figured it was because my parents were very artistic, bohemian, foreigners in a new country and did not care about such things. In a way, I believe he did what he felt he had to do. The dream ended with me holding my father, his head in my lap. He was looking up at me and suddenly I saw blood dripping from his head. There was a nail or something sharp stuck in his head and I went to pull it out. My father grabbed my arm, looked at me and asked me not to pull out the nail. That was when I woke up and knew that even if anyone had found my father before he had died, he would have tried it again. He really wanted to end his life and he made sure that no one would find him. My family came from Estonia in the early 50’s to start a new life full of freedom and dreams. Sometimes life can deal you some very sad situations. I feel that it took a lot of courage for my father to do what he did. I have to try and understand all of this, or I will go crazy. Who knows what really happens to us when we die? We can only hope that there is more to it than just this. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that God or my higher power has plans for us all. The fact that my father hardly spoke any English kind of resembled Bela Lugosi, and was into hypnotism makes me wonder why he chose to do this on Halloween. For me it just seemed appropriate, knowing my family. Now that both of my parents have passed on I hope that they are together again, wherever they may be, watching over us until we get to see them again. Isa is probably painting a portrait of someone, while my mother is playing the piano in the church of heaven, I hope!! Pia



TITLE or NICK NAME:   NO ONE CARES ANYMORE

I am 14 and I have tried to commit suicide a number of times. I am still in school and doing quite well but what makes me so suicidal is when people ignore me or dont pay any attention. One of my so called best friends says she cares but when she sees me sitting alone she dosent even care to come and ask me whats wrong. I just dont like many people, myself included. I feel as if the world would be a better place if I wasnt here. Alot of people would be happier.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Jai

I have attemped suicide once. I took 30 panadol tablets. I have been depressed now for almost a year and it all started with the person I was in love with left me to move to Canberra. I thought about suicide but didn't do anything. I began to put on weight and also I had severe acne. I also graduated from high school so all of my friends drifted apart. I felt worthless and alone. I started seeing someone and at first my mum was really happy. Then things changed and she hated him. She tried to force me to break it off by laying some guilt trip on me and it caused huge fights and so I felt even more alone. I know he had done wrong but he was the first person who loved me who did'nt have to. It interested me to know why he cared so when I had always felt noone would. What was good about me? I was fat and had pimples and boring brown frizzy hair, boring brown eyes, white skin, yellow teeth and had no special talent or anything special about me.We are still continuing to go out in secret and I have told many lies to cover this up. I have also told many lies and now My mum has become suspicious and has uncovered some of my lies. She now won't let me go anywhere without having to know where or who or every single detail. I feel trapped I can't kill my self or I will rot in hell but I dont want to live on this earth either. I wanted to be a normal young female adult independant but still had their mum to lean on if needed. I just wish I was never born. I just dont want to exist anywhere. Added to all of this that person who moved to Canberra then told me he was gay. He of course covered this up when confronted by his mother making me out to look like a complete lier. The trouble with this is that his mother and mine are best friends and so they speak and I know that even my own mother doubts me. He has since told me that he has kissed another guy, meet them on the_____ and then met up with them in person and has told his mother that he is not bisexual just so that he won't be kicked out. He is no better than me but considering all the questioning mum has given me about that I know that she doubts this story too. Today I am supposed to attend a therapy session due to my last suicide attempt but I will not be going as I don't see the point in wasting this ladies time. I will be committing suicide just as soon as I work out how.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Jai

I have attemped suicide once. I took 30 panadol tablets. I have been depressed now for almost a year and it all started with a person who was special left me to move to Canberra. I thought about suicide but didn't do anything. I began to put on weight and also I had severe acne. I also graduated from high school so all of my friends drifted apart. I felt worthless and alone. I started seeing someone and at first my mum was really happy. Then things changed and she hated him. She tried to force me to break it off by laying some guilt trip on me and it caused huge fights and so I felt even more alone. I know he had done wrong but he was the first person who loved me who did'nt have to. It interested me to know why he cared so when I had always felt noone would. What was good about me? I was fat and had pimples and boring brown frizzy hair, boring brown eyes, white skin, yellow teeth and had no special talent or anything special about me. I have told many lies and now my mum has become suspicious and has uncovered some of my lies. I don't know why I did it I think it was because I couldnt offer an explanation that I thought she would believe I knew I would get questioned as it was something I would'nt normally do but now I can't go anywhere without her having to know where or who or every single detail. I feel trapped because I feel I have nothing or no-one. I really have nothing to be proud of. I am just a really crap person taking up oxygen that could be used for a better person there is no point living -womens de stress and berocca are not going to make life good I can't kill my self or I will rot in hell but I dont want to live on this earth either. I wanted to be a normal young female adult independant but still had their mum to lean on if needed. I just wish I was never born. I just dont want to exist anywhere. Added to all of this that person who moved to Canberra then told me he was gay. He of course covered this up when finally confronted by his mother making me out to look like a complete lier. The trouble with this is that his mother and mine are best friends and so they speak and I know that even my own mother doubts me. He has since told me that he has kissed another guy, met them on the computer and then met up with them in person and has told his mother that he is not bisexual just so that he won't be kicked out. He is no better than me but considering all the questioning mum has given me about that I know that she doubts this information too. Today I am supposed to attend a therapy session due to my last suicide attempt but I will not be going as I don't see the point in wasting this ladies time. I will be committing suicide just as soon as I work out how.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Catherine

I wish there was someone I could talk to right now because I really want to kill myself, the pain is too much for me too bear. why does my dad hit me and not even say sorry to me. Why can't I get the images out of my head of being molested when I was seven I want someone to understand.I want the pain to go wway.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   I am willin 2 b ur friend

dont think like this life is precious and no matter what someone o there love you or is will to be ur friend it jus takes time.....n e one who needs a friend I am willin just im me from yahoo I only wanna hear good things........yummy668_____yahoo_____



TITLE or NICK NAME:   too sorry for apologies

well basically people see me as a perfect perky and a hyper person with no problems which annoys the hell out of me everyone thinks im soo _____ happy and dont expect me to understand their problems. according to anyone who knows me im way too dam cute to be sad. people were saying that the reason I cut myself is for attention which is the farthest thing from the truth......... only if they knew.......... well eventually when I hang myself I guess theyll realize how I put a mask on I wear a mask that hides all my emotions and gives the illusion of perfection



TITLE or NICK NAME:   anon help

To all those who feel pain and no reason to live id like to just say you actually dont know how much you have.You have life.think of all the unfortunate people who dont have the luxury of living,they know they are going to die whether they like it or not.innocent children or parents lives taken because of disease or poverty.Try and think of one person who at least likes you.there you go,even that is reason to live.think of how much you would be missed.i know how hard it must feel to go through pain and try bottle it all up,believe me!So let it out.Break plates,release your tension,take up drums and release your tension through music.Or,talk about it!Remember you are an individual,unique and you have a purpose to serve on this earth.Everyone has a talent.Go get your dream.Its never too high!u owe it to yourself!the worlds listening,tell them your story!!!!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Mel

in 2001 when I was 12 I was going thru some quite bad stages in life and everyone thought it was " becoming a teenager" and I new it wsnt I begged for help and finally at 14 I gave up and rang a helpline without my parents knowing there number was given to me by a friend who spoke to them to and they asked to come to my house so I told my dad there coming no matter wot u say..they came my parents preteneded to understand and care and when they left my parents said..its all in ur head ur a teenager start expecting that..but how is knowing whos gonna die in ur family or friends normal?? as soon as I dremaed about ti 3 months alter they seemed to have died!! I would slit my arms ive slit my stomach and im scared of dyingi want to have kids thats my dream my fiance lied to me for 5 and a half month and he has had sex twice in the past and regrets it but im scared to beleive him..he suppose to finish work at 5 now its 5:30 and at the moment its 6:45 he still hasnt sms'ed me or phoned me to tell me!! im depressed and I no it I want tablets but I dont have a medicare card cause im under 18 my mum has some but she knows how many there is left cause she doesnt take them anymore and im tempted to take them. mums' australian dads turkish..and like every _____ aussie..once there child is 16 they want them out of the house she tells me she hates me and wnats me out of the house..and I wanna leave but my family isnt the good type they only care about themselves..to be honest I wish I could go to a mental home jsut for 30 days to get away from them I wish I could drink alcohol all the time to be drunk..my last friend has moved house so I dont have any friends AT ALL..no one to talk to besides my fiance and I wont even bother...im ready to die ive prayed to god so I dont have to do it im afraid of death but I wanna die so bad!!!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Laura

My adopted evil mother ruined my life and I am 41 now and feel worthless. I was a little girl and she would just scream and rant at me. She always told me she could send me back to where I came from and she also told me my real mother abandoned me in a dumpster. I was afraid my whole childhood. When I was 8 she adopted a new "toy" and then just abused and ignored me. Finally she dumped me off when I was 14 in the city right on the street with a box of clothes. That was it I was on my own. I won't bore you with how I made my way needless to say it was painful. Thankfully I didnt get into drugs. I wonder if that evil b8tch ever thought about what she did to a child. How she KNEW I had been raped by the next door neighbour and all she could talk about was HER EMBARRASSMENT over that. I was 12 and she would just tease me and torment me about being raped. MOTHER I HATE YOU. MOTHER I READ THE OBITS EVERY DAY WHERE YOU LIVE AND I WILL REJOICE THE DAY I READ YOUR MISERABLE NAME. I HAVE NOT SEEN YO IN OVER 10 YEARS AND I STILL HEAR YOUR UGLY VOICE IN MY HEAD. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER...WHY WHY WHY DID YOU TORTURE ME? I ONLY WANTED YOU TO LOVE ME AND I TRIED SO HARD. I WAS NOT A BAD GIRL ...WHY WHY DID YOU HURT ME? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THAT IN THE CITY? YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME. YOU ARE CRUEL AND EVIL AND MOST PEOPLE HATED YOU. YOU KILLED ME MOTHER. YOU KILLED ME. YOU KILLED ME.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Devastated

I'm so depressed today that I want to go home and take the 30 Xanax and 30 Klonapin that I have in my dresser. I've been reading all morning about how to do it. I just want to die in my sleep this weekend. Seven years ago I started to date this man who soon after got another girl pregnant and they moved in together. I stayed with him although I tried to leave several times but I always went back. We got along really well and always had so much fun together. Two years later they broke up and we started living together the very same day she left his house. We spent every day together, I actually smothered him. He cheated on me also and three years later I left him. We were seperated for two years and I couldn't stop thinking about him. Three months ago we saw each other again after over a year and a half. He asked me to marry him the first night. He didn't mean it though. I feel like he is always rejecting me. He will only see me when he wants to and everytime I suggest it he tells me no. I cry all the time and I am constantly finding myself wanting to hurt myself. I am so down I want to end my life. I can't get this man out of my head and he doesn't want me. Last night he broke up with me because I wanted to see him and he said no so I started to cry. We were supposed to meet today but now he says he doesn't want to see me. I want to go home today after work, go into my room, take my pills, drink a bottle of wine and never wake up.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   sandy

i am in agony oh jesus let me die tonight



TITLE or NICK NAME:   melina (i want to help)

for those people who want to comit suicide please talk to someone before u do. U can talk to me or email me at dominicanr1_____verizon_____. PLEASE if u just need someone to talk to I am here for you. I will understand all the things that u are talking about being raped, having no friens, being ignored, or molested,etc. Please talk to me I want to talk to u. if u ever want to talk to me about ANYTHING I want to be u'r friend and be their for you. I am a 15yr old girl who wants to help you. I am having allot of family problems that I am going threw but I will get over them because I have someone to talk to about it. And to spill all of my prblems to. If u ever need a shoulder to cry on or to talk to please call me 941-923-3590



TITLE or NICK NAME:   melina (i want to help)

for those people who want to comit suicide please talk to someone before u do. U can talk to me or email me at dominicanr1 at verizon dot_____. PLEASE if u just need someone to talk to I am here for you. I will understand all the things that u are talking about being raped, having no friens, being ignored, or molested,etc. Please talk to me I want to talk to u. if u ever want to talk to me about ANYTHING I want to be u'r friend and be their for you. I am a 15yr old girl who wants to help you. I am having allot of family problems that I am going threw but I will get over them because I have someone to talk to about it. And to spill all of my prblems to. If u ever need a shoulder to cry on or to talk



TITLE or NICK NAME:   melina

i was joking about what I said!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

Hello, well Im completely new at all this and I don't know what to say, all I know is that I want help!! I don't know what to do, I'm barely 16 and already I think I shouldn't be here. I don't see myself in the future, and I don't see myself demolishing these thoughts, I just see the thoughts demolishing me. Im so scared!! I had had thoughts about suicide before but never had they been so serious and so depressing. Today I didn't even go to school. No-one knows though everyone thinks it was because of something else. I need to tell someone, but if I tell someone who might care at least a little for me they'll think I'm crazy, but I'm not, I'm realy not. I just don't know what to do. I want to be happy, I try and at times it seems as if I am, but I'm not and it kills me to have people thinking im stupid because I get mad due to the fact that I want to be happy and I can't. Today I got in trouble, my ma thought I didn't go to school because of a stupid belt, and I felt bad. It's not in me to make people feel sad, mad or even annoyed. I know I do it, but my intentions aren't those.It's not my fault I feel this way! But n-e-way, bottom line is that I'm scared, I have a little brother, and a mom to live for, and right now they aren't making my suicidal thoughts go away. Please if you think u can help me change my mind please e-mail me at lovrgirl_89_____hotmail_____, this to me is not a joke, please help me. I've read about suicide before,and I know that this can be overcome,I just need a little push. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!!!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

I am just having alot of problems with my parents and my girlfriend left me and noboby is there for me or cares about me



TITLE or NICK NAME:   parallelnightwings

I've been depressed for the better part of 3 years, and recently I've become suicidal. I've tried to kill myself 15 times, and have yet to succeed obviously. My boyfriend who I lost my virginity to and have been dating for 2 and a half years just broke up with me about 5 minutes ago. This is my last plea for help. I don't know how much longer I can go without slicing my wrist or throat open.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   JMart

People think that those who even think about commiting suicide are retarded/wacky, or are a couple brain cells short. But what they dont understand is that it doesn't matter who you are or how popular/rich you are. I have thought about suicide alot and gotten close to doing it several times. But much to popular demand/thought, i'm good looking, popular, and have a steady family. People think i'm happy, and some wish they were me. Boy they are so wacky and mistaken. I hate myself and I wish I was somebody else at times. Those who say they want to be "just like me", or "like me" i'd like to slap and say "wake up".



TITLE or NICK NAME:   _01_

i think of suicide more and more this days...u say dont do it...think about us...WTF r u thinking!!!...suicide its about the one who comits it...maybe u should care more about people around u...and...not about urselfs... i wrote this the other day... its in portuguese but i'll translate it for u... 14/11/2005 - 21h:48min "... mente acelerada pensamento constante está próximo é só decidir qdo kero finalmente pôr fim a uma vida _____ loucura infinita tristeza permanente n consigo mexer n tenho motivação andar já estou farto pensar já estou cansado lagrimas representam gritos da alma a minha já está rouca os olhos cansados os ouvidos tb hipocrisia mentira falsidade em busca da verdade estava eu agora busco a morte qto mais perto melhor o meu espirito esvai-se kero viver mas... n consigo o vazio ..." translation: "... mind fast going constant thought its near, I only need to decide when I want to finally put an end to a life with infinite crazyness with permanent saddness i cant move i have no motivation im tired of walking im tired of thinking tears represent the screams of the soul mine is weak... eyes tired ears too hypocrisy falsity pursuing the truth I was now i search death closer its better my spirit gets weaker i want to live but... i cant the emptyness ..."



TITLE or NICK NAME:   niki

sorry that I did it sorry but it went to far sorry that I couldnt take couldnt bare the pain no more you couldnt see the costancy of the pain in my eye reflecting all the agony that I once held inside i begged for you to save me to reach out and take my hand yet you never noticed or even heard my cries well now im dead and its time to tell you goodbye sorry Naquelle



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Final Chance

Hi, mine is a tale of love found and lost. I met Sophie 8 years ago on the 27th December. At first she was a bit of fun nothing serious in fact she got serious about me way before I did and I would often be inconsiderate about her feelings or how deep they were. Over the years the scales began to tip and my feelings grew but hers grew cold. She wanted children and I said no way I'm to old and I want to enjoy my life, she has no children,I have two. I then said ok and then I changed my mind and we cancelled our wedding in Maurius and decided to split (early 2004) I went for councilling to get over the fears of having chidren and succeeded, but the old story of cry wolf was lingering. If someone had said to me how was you relationship with your partner 4 or even 3 months ago I would have said solid as a rock. how wrong I was I had no idea how bad things were until I looked at her text messages on her phone to another guy. As far as I know nothing physically has happened between them and ultimatley she called it off. But this then but doubts into her mind about her own relationshop with me and even after a weeks holiday together in Egypt (which I thought was fantastic and we got on so well) she decided that she wants something other than me out of life. I know I have my faults, I didn't know they were make or break faults. I've seen the errors of my ways but to no avail. I've got to face it she's not coming back, and that, my reader, is the problem I can't face it I can't see a future without her I love her so much and I'm 40 years old, past my glory days and to be honest I don't want anyone else she's my best friend, my lover, my rock, she completes me and without her I can't go on. My chosen day is Christmas day. I have everything prepared and planed. No gun, unfortunetley, so anti-depressents and vodka. I've got no future without her I wanted to grow old with her I wanted to be the father of her children. I can't live to see her with a family that should've been mine. It hurts so much there's so much pain all I ask for is one final chance.......



TITLE or NICK NAME:   utterloser

well here goes: i'm 27 and am living with my parents. no job, no life. I was going to school in england for a while 4 years ago but I had a nervous breakdown and had to come home. I had a breakdown and was diagnosed agorophobic which means afraid to be in public. Since then i've had no job, barely finished college, no relationships. I can't seem to meet other people and when I do I can't stop thinking about how stupid I look and act and how embarassing I must be. I've had a few flings sexually but no relationship for almost 7 years. And if I do meet someone how am I going to explain that I have no job, and am abnormal? I'm going to have to lie. I just don't care anymore. I hate living with my mother, anything that is bad is made 100X worse with her nagging and complaining and fault finding. My head is all over the place, I cant concentrate on anything. I'm so afraid to go outside. I lost the game of life, I don't belong here, everyone who knows me, my sister, relatives, all think i'm the biggest loser and I am. I would get therapy but it's not free and my parents wont pay b/c they don't think i'm really sick they think i'm not trying hard enough. Or they'll pay for 4 appts and wonder why i'm not better.I'm an embarassment and I want to die so bad. I heard that a heroin overdose is the best way to go but with my grand tally of contacts being ZERO it's going to be hard to find.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Jan

I'm 51 years old. I am so worn out. I know I need help but don't know what kind. It seems there has to be some help but I can't find it. Lord help me. I have children to care for, it can't be over but I feel it is. Finances are mounting, yes they need me but they need resources as well.Don't know quite what to do. I hope they understand and Know I did it for them. Lord forgive me. I hope you will. My strength is failing I feel so low, I'm praying for a miracle maybe one will come.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   another loser

im 16, lonely and everyone hates me. ive grown up in a society where im expected to be what everyone else want to see. I have no friends mainly because im DIFFERENT and no-one can accept that. I cry myself to sleep everynight and wake up in smouged mascara and blood from slitting my wrists . I envy everone around me and want to be them but I cant. I dont have the guts to commit suicide but wrote letters incase I did anyway. I HATE LIFE, im expected to do well at school , I just want to be ME. I dont think there could be anything worse than having no-one to turn to when you NEED to talk to someone. I have no siblings and a mum who ignores me. if I commit suicide no one would know I was gone, im sick of people trying to be like other people, im UNIQUE and also INVISIBLE. if you know someone you can talk to then TALK to them, your so lucky if you do. however I shall sit here on my owm because I have nobody. all I have is my music, it heals my soul x



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Nearly Time, hopefully not nearly enough

My story is too complicated to help/diagnose/understand, and I know that, that's why I haven't bothered with "professional" advice. I had depression in my late teens, severe depression, from the age of 17 to around 22/23 and it faded and got better. I am fully back to myself. Hey I know depression, I was so knowlegable about it that suicide was an everyday option in my mind. I never took it though because I knew, that eventually I would break it. After 5/6 years I did. It didn't just stop, it just faded and I didn't even realise it. Great? Yeah, that part is. And for people suffering or see signs of depression. See your doctor, think about the outcome..don't just come to some radical decision. It get's better eventually. I promise you that, you have to be patient though, and those black clouds above you, and the things that don't make you happy anymore, will come back. Give it a chance. It's an illness not a death sentence.. However, I've been void of depression for a few years now, and it feels such a relief. Nothing changes but your mind. My problem then seemed as if I wanted to commit suicide, just to end the numbness and the seemingly pointlessness of life. I didn't. However a new problem has arised that doesn't seem to have an answer, even hope can't help this. My mam died last year, and it obviously broke my heart, the family broke, snapped, disintergrated. I hate my sister. HATE. and this has never changed for what she has done, she was the link to my family, my step dad disappeared after I left the family home (unwantingly). My dad is the only one left but he's the type of dad who only appears at Christmas. Anyway, my girlfriend of nearly 4 years, has cancer, she had it before, and beat it, but now it's come back, and I really don't know what to do. I was strong for her last time but she was diagnosed last week, and she keeps telling me that it's going to beat her. I can't do this. Sometimes it's easier to be the ONE to be in dire straits, it's actually harder for the person close to them. My decision is to commit suicide if my girl dies of this persistent bastard of an evil disease (why won't it just leave her alone?!) I'd have nothing left to live for. My Mam, and my Girlfriend are my world, I've lost one of them, I can't face to lose the other. If I was a psychiatrist, I couldn't offer myself any advice. There's just no hope after that. When you lose your entire family, and then you lose the love of your life. What is the point? There isn't a point. Sometimes suicide is wrong, because there can be answers and relief, but sometimes there isn't.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   lost

I am 14 years old and I am sick of this life. I feel there is no point anymore. The pain is terrible. I can't stand the pain and I have no idea on how to make it go away. Just today I've added 4 fresh cuts to my arm. I need someone to help me get through this.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Jason

I have a wife, two kids from a previous marriage,and a baby on the way. I'm tired though. im 29, but I feel like 100. im scared of what this baby will have to deal with in the future. people are so murderous and evil now. I Wish I could take myself away from all the people and be in peace. I have alot to live for but there is times I lose control of my temper and go mad. I dont want to hurt the ones I love and I feel if I stay alive I will end up hurting them. I love them so much, but my brain is messed up. I get panic attacks alot and have trouble sleeping. I want to end my life. I think I will hurt my loved ones more if I live then if I die. I apoligize for this pain I cause everyone. I must leave this world soon though. My time is near!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   I hate this life..........

hi...well iam brittanie and iam 15 and I try everyday to get out of this life but nottin works becouse I always end up in the hospital..but I am really depressed becouse of my mom and her boyfriend over 4 years becouse I was never included into anything I was left out and my mom would take all her anger out on my like I was a ragdoll and I hated it when she would do that I dont like my mom and I never will but I tryed to kill myself atleast 18 times and I think one of these days I will kill myself and I will succeded and no one will care becouse no one has every cared becouse my mom will concentrate on her boyfriend and me iam just a stree ball it seems like but I dont go anyweres I have ran away 13 times but I get cought for it but yea but just one of these days no will ever hear from me ever again becouse iam done tryin to get help becouse nottin works becouse I still think about ways to kill my self like I dont eat so I have an eatin disorder and I dont sleep becouse I try and scrrible down ways to kill meself I dont talk much all my anger is in a journal I slit my warist open everyday atleast 6 times a day just untill I die and just wait my mom will care and I will be gone I have alot of problems right know so bye bye...............



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Crystal

I don't really know where to start or what to type, I know that everyday I wake and I wounding why I had to. Every second of my life I want to die,im soo depressed ...But I'm not aloud to be depressed. My mom tell me there no way I could be. I took a breakdown during my grade 12 year and the school set me up with "help" but them it made it worse my doctor took me out of school because he thought I would husr myself if I didn't. Being home all the time and your parents not give you the med that your told to take makes everything worse. So I pretend that every things find. I have been doing that for a year and a half and I"m about to crack...I started cutting again and there nothing worse then trying to hide cuts.I think about all the ways I can off myself what I would say in the letter that I would leave behind. But it like im terrified of death yet all I want to do is die.. And now I'm in collage and I have a learning disability and trying to pass classes and peationd if your depressed is enough then add a leaning disability it makes it worse...I'm not looking for pity I'm looking for hope ...I can't go to my friends because they tell me not to feel this way but they don't understnad...neways that it I guess if neone has nething that would help in neway Please email me ....



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Victim to Love

Hi I am 12 and alot of people think that I could not have gone through this but I did. I was abused by a guy and he threatened to kill me if I dumped him so I stayed and sufferd. Soon I started to cut the top of my arms and I even took and overdose once. I puked it up really fast when my friend called. after a while I got the courage to dump him with all my friends behind me and this is a song about him;



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Victim of love

Your gonna regret what you did to me all those lies soon youll see. slappin me around tellin me what to say well Im not gonna live that way cause I am not gonna be that little girl screamin for the end of my world I dont know if you can here me now but I am not gonna be your victim there is more but I am not typin it



TITLE or NICK NAME:   why did I not die

Hi it is Victim of love and I feel like I am gonna die I have no email address but someone could leave an entery about my song and message I would appreciate it Jamie Hanson is my real name and I live in Amboy IL



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Lonewolf

Hi,My name is Eli.My life is complicated and all messed up I am 34 and have been through hell/In my experiences/I do not mean to complain or seem selfish,My three children are the only things keeping me here,thats why I can't be selfish My wife has left me countless times,we have lost houses cars so many material things,But thats not even close to the worse part.Each time I go deeper in dispair.she left me again early saturday morning my oldest daughter stayed with me until today/Monday 01/09/2006/ I am so upset and thinking again of commiting suicide.i don't know what to do physical pain I can take but emotional pain I can't bear I am tired of all this pain.what is this life for?WE ARE HERE FOR JUST A LITTLE WHILE,Why all the pain?If there is a way out PLEASE I WANT TO KNOW How I can live Again without all this pain.If there is a God why is he tormenting me? I love my family So much,she can't understand.My family is my everything,Now I have nobody OH STOP WHINING you might say,OK this is my pain and only 1% of the story,the Hurt goes Much deeper then words can define HOW LONG? If there is another way SOMETHING/SOMEONE UP/DOWN THERE HEAR ME NOW!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Von

Everybody feel for other people, but not I because I dont have any feelings. People hurt me and made me feel like hurting myself.This world is made for us to be hurt. think we already living in hell, cause everytime we turn around thers somebody suffering, killing,commiting suicide, or something like that.I know now dont nobody cares about me so why care about somebody else. so _____ everybody who dont give a _____ about me. oh and _____ the world cause its all _____ up anyway.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   sex addict von

Hi I wasnt always like this but I have became an sex addict. I love having sex even for money.I do things like this because I feel no love so there 4 I have no love 4 myself or anybody else. I thought it was an end for me I wanted to die until I found a way 4 me to be happy so I found a way. I started hangin wit these gurls who was something like a hoe. I saw them getting money so I started doing everything they was and started making money. And I became happy



TITLE or NICK NAME:   mindy

hey this is mindy or melinda and I am trying to do a report and I came across this site and thought that I should come out and say that I was suicidal all last year and depressed and attemped many times but never suceeded and at the time my friend trent lavoto killed himself and that set me over. that made it worse I have scars I cant get rid of. but now after he did that I saw how people really felt and I still am a little unhappy but I am doing good and now I am really good friends with trents dad. and we really miss him but it makes us really apressiate life. well I have to go and I know this maybe the stupidest one here but this is helping me to admit to it.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Thom41

Dear Sarah, What I am going to do tonight isn't your fault. It is entirely mine. I have caused you so much pain, and I will be putting it to an end. I will not cause people pain anymore, which seems to be something I'm good at. I want you to know though that you are beautiful and so amazing, whether you believe it or not. I'm not the one. you're perfect, I'm not. I'm ending it before I hurt anyone else. I love you so much. Tell everyone I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be this way. I will be leaving a collection of my poetry behind to be published under whoever would like it to be attributed to their name. Fiction press, xanga, greatestjournal username magnoliablossom, and my windows microsoft word files contain all of it. my tabs are published in many peoples minds so I wont leave those behind. Please get them out there. I feel I have alot of good ideas, but am not worthy of acheiving them. Sarah Elizabeth Brigid Begley Rowsey Compton, I love you. I love everyone, even when I didn't act like it. I'm sorry. good bye.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   am I stupid?

well.... I am 16 years old. I lived in florida all my life until one day my family decided to pack up and move to south carolina. I had a boyfriend for 2 yrs. there and we were really serious together. I didnt want to leave him for nothing in the world but I was forced to.... so now I moved and im here alone with no one and all I can think about is him. I stopped talkin to him for six months cuz I thought it would be better but it sure wasnt because he went and found another girl to be with... when I heard the news I knew I had to do my best to get him back... He wont come back he wont talk to me and all I do is cry and I cant eat or sleep I am soo weak so I figured it wasnt important for me to live and I wanted him to talk to me so I knew if I hurt myself he would talk to me so I cut my arm and then wrote him a text message and told him but seems to me he still didnt care...! and the funny thing is I can get someone else but the person I want isnt wanting me and its making me crazy! I keep talkin to myself and just begging for help but its not working.... someone if u have any suggestions on what I should do please help me out!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Nae Nae

I am a 16 year old female and yes once I thought of throwing my life away, and for what. I loved my ex boyfriend and when I found out he didnt feel the same it hurt me, so bad that I wanted to die. I would go into the kitchen and find the sharpest knife and hold it to my wrist. I wanted to do it so bad, but I kept thinking about my family. did I really want to kill myself because of some boy, did I really want to hurt my mother that has only loved and cared for me all my life? no I couldnt, I thought strongly about what I was wanting to do before I did it. and because of that I am here today and very very happy to be. I know how it feels, sometimes there are no reasons at all on to why u want to die. but u have a reason to live, so if u ever pick up a knife and think about hurting urself think of those reasons. Please, if u think no one cares.....they do



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Dora

To all of you who may read this. Please really read this, take in what I say. Life is precious and a gift. I know to each of you sometimes the road is seemingly endless, and unbearable. I know that sometimes its almost as if you go unnoticed. I understand that sometimes just waking up in the morning is such a tedious task. Please continue to open your eyes, please continue to walk the road no matter how long the trail may be. Each and everyone of you are welcomed in the world and special. Each of you were placed on Earth with a gift, no matter how mediocre to you it may seem. You all have a gift and a light inside you that you should cherish and welcome life. I do not criticize you for the feelings you have or even think you are wrong for having them. I cannot place my self in your situation, because I have not been there. I know sometimes the thoughts seem to engulf your very being and its difficult to stop the thoughts. Life will turn better. Even if not one other person says they care...I DO! Believe it! I DO. The world is full of possibilities. Believe in yourself, believe in your heart! Change your life. I know I can say that because maybe to me it sounds easy. Make small changes, make drastic changes. Do what you have to do to make YOU happy. PLEASE ONLY YOURSELF. Please know...I REALLY DO CARE. Even if you don't like life right now...you may love it later! True you can consider your family, and those succeeding life after you. The pain and anguish they will go through in the event of your loss. I know your thinking..."This chick is crazy, she knows nothing about me..." That is true. From what heart to another...I understand! Each life is precious and much like a rare gem. Each has its own defining trait and trust me someone notices! Even me!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Laur

I am 13 years old...almost 14 and I have been thinking of suicide since I was 8. My best friend died when I was in first grade and I hear a lot of voices and see things that arent real ever since that happened. I know that it was all my fault that she died because she was on her way to my birthday party. I was in the car ahead of her and I watched the truck knock her car off the road. I saw her dead body afterwards and it scared me for life. Almost every night, I have nightmares about her dieing and I see all the blood and gore that I saw in first grade. I also am dyslexic and I am using a spell checker now. People think I'm weird because I act so different, but I still have feelings and am still a human. I feel like I am alone in the world because nobody thinks the way I do. I am thought of as a loner at school and I just want to end all the pain. My father beats me and harasses me daily. My mother hates me so much that she tells me that Im worth nothing and will make nothing of myself. My closest friend is the only one that I go to when I need help because she dosent treat me like someone retarded, she treats me like a normal person. But I dont even tell her about my suicidal thoughts. I just want to leave this world and see if anyone will care when I die. Maby if I was dead, people would suddenly care about me and I could see my dead friend again.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   a kid

im sixteen years old and when I was fifteen I overdosed and almosted died. Know I am over what I was mad about and I can not belive I was going to kill my self about that stupid thing. Just know its not the end of your life you can get over temperary promblems but suicide is permenmet. Just rember that you can be better again. what ever you do. DO NOT GIVE UP KEEP FIGHTING because you can win the battle. Dont forget that.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   a kid

im sixteen years old and when I was fifteen I overdosed and almosted died. Know I am over what I was mad about and I can not belive I was going to kill my self about that stupid thing. Just know its not the end of your life you can get over temperary problems but suicide is pernemet. Just rember that you can be better again. what ever you do. DO NOT GIVE UP KEEP FIGHTING because you can win the battle. Dont forget that.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   a kid

im sixteen years old and when I was fifteen I overdosed and almosted died. Now I am over what I was mad about and I can not belive I was going to kill my self about that stupid thing. Just now its not the end of your life you can get over temperary problems but suicide is pernemet. Just rember that you can be better again. what ever you do. DO NOT GIVE UP KEEP FIGHTING because you can win the battle. Dont forget that.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   a kid

im sixteen years old and when I was fifteen I overdosed and almosted died. Now I am over what I was mad about and I can not belive I was going to kill my self about that stupid thing. Just now its not the end of your life you can get over temperary problems but suicide is pernemet. Just remeber that you can get better again. what ever you do. DO NOT GIVE UP KEEP FIGHTING because you can win the battle. Dont forget that.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

I AM 37 YEARS OLD. I HAVE MS, AND ITS GETTING WORSE.NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH. NOT EVEN MY HUSBAND. I HAVE TWO KIDS, 7 AND 3. I HAVE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ALL THE TIME. THEN I LOOK INTO MY KIDS FACES OR HEAR THEIR VOICES, AND MY SPIRIT IS UPLIFTED AND I SMILE.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   You Can Call Me Allison

I have cut myself,many times, not for the attention, but for the relief of all emotional pain...Forest, my once-love (ex) left me about a little more than 2 years ago, and since then, I have cut and cried, thought of suicide...But than, I know if I try, i'll never get a chance to see him again...You see, he moved to Arizona, and just a few months ago, i've heard from him again...He was cutting himself too, and we have both gotten a cigarette habbit...He was very much suicidal...I talked him out of it a couple different times...He wanted to 'get out' like Ian Curtis did...he was very sad, just like me...And i've come to find out that he still feels love for me...Makes me feel better...inside and out...But, I have met someone, a new face, Derek, who has part of me...This was right before hearing from Forest again...I love them both so much...Forest is thinking about moving back, and said he wants to see me and he misses me so much...He says he loves me...I say it back, even though I have Derek in my life...Derek knows that im having a hard time getting over Forest...And I REALLY AM...But, either way, I finally got my answer: I am going to see Forest again..and he said he wouldnt ever come between me and Derek, and he'd love to 'just be friends' with me if thats what I wanted ...And thats what I want...So here is to prayers/questions being answered...You know, I never thought i'd ever get an answer, but I guess I have to say I believe in miracles and Love, I also believe in pain and heartache and sadness and depression, because I have felt all of it time and time again, and I know I have just another life, but life I guess IS precious, even if you don't think your's is, I KNOW it is...I hoped for something and I wished for something, and I got it eventually...I guess what I am trying to say, is Wait just alittle longer...Take the time and breathe...I know I can relate to alot of people...I'd love to hear from some of you...im only 16, but I think i'd know about this stuff, I mean i've delt with it first-hand, and I admit I struggle with it still from time to time, but I know theres something out there for me, waiting for me, LIVING for me. I wish you all the VERY best...We all die in the end, but, today my friend, is not our end...



TITLE or NICK NAME:   lost

well im 32 years old I have no ambition in life I want to die because I have a 5 year old son and his mother is a mad freak that doesnt take her medication and she screws with my head about my son and its been going on for 5 years now I cant take the pain it costs me I am always worrying about him and this has caused me to fall into a deep depression on top of that there is no jobs were I live and I dont want to leave my son because that will cause more depression so its time to leave I hope he will be ok without me god help him please goodbye forever



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Star

Hello, I get sad spells, where I just want to commite suicide. I feel so left out of everything and just sometimes don't see the point in living. but I don't think I really want to die. I have voices in my head and I just ... I think I am weird, but I am going to try to live and get better. Maybe I do have my whole life infront of me, and I don't think I want to die anyway. Remember that suicide is final. Don't do it. Really.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

My name is Kirsty, I am 15 years old, I lived in Townsville. I was in a family of 5.I have been abused and raped in my life so far. I use to go to school every day with a new mark on me or in me. My school use to try and help me but I did not wont help. We were bring up to fight people, So I went to school hitting other kids for no reason. My best friend tryed to help me but I did not wont to face the truth so she stoped talking to me. I finlly moved out of home. I lived on the street and in shelters. At this stage of life I did not think I desived to live I thought I _____ up every ones life. so I started to cut my arms, So I ended up I hospital, This just made my life worse and wores, I ended up wonting to die, my head just kept on ticking with ideas, But there was some one up there protecting me GOD. I am now at Barret adolescent center. But there is one thing I can hold my head up and say and that is that I made it though so just hang on because god will be there for you as well.Please write if you wont to no how I madfe it though



TITLE or NICK NAME:   coward

i am sitting in front of the computer with the knife on the desk, looking at the knife. every once in a while I pick it up and brush it against my wrist, I want to do it so bad its just that I get stuck and freeze I dont know why I cant do it, I guess that it shows how selfish I am so many people would be better off I know that that is the old cliche but in my case it is true. I married a great guy who thinks that I am this wonderful person so together but it is all based on lies he thinks that I am a different person a success when I am nothing more than a con artist my world is so woven lie after lie that I dont even know what is true anymore. I am so selfish!!!! he could meet someone start a family have a future be happy but instead I sit here knowing that all my lies will resurface creating new lies to cover up the old ones- there are some people who deserve to be saved and I am not one of them I just need to know how I can do it that I will actually succeed, remember I am a liar and coward always looking for a way out please help me do one good thing in my life by helping me end it



TITLE or NICK NAME:   angela

i am 30 yrs old female , I feel so alone , I have coped so far with some horrible experiences in my life, I was beaten by my step dad between the age of 5 and 16, I felt my mum ignored it, I was born with what is referred to as a 'spag hand' which I developed a complex paranoia about ever since I can remember, I have a half sister who was treated completely different to me she was loved by my parents never smacked, I never saw my real father and when I tried to find him I was passed a message that he didnt want to know me.i left home at 18 to live with a man he wanted a child so I gave him one thinking he would love and look after me and I wanted a child somome who would love me unconditionally and who I could love I had so much love to give even at 19. my ex ended up being violent to me things didnt work out and my childhood caught up with me I had a nervous breakdown at 21. after 18 mths of counselling I left him and lived somewhere else with my son. I met a wonderful man when I was 23 he made me so happy he loved me lots and loved my son I moved away from everything I knew to live with him in another city but after one year I got depressed and started harming myself after his ex started to threaten our relationship and dreams so he left me, later on I found out he still loved his ex so my instincts were right. I then met mat who I had a fling with when I was 17 it was magic at first sight I had always felt this with him like he was my soul mate. he had just come out of prison for a violent offence after a fight with another male in town at 21. we were both 25 when we met again 6wks after he came out of prison he wanted to settle down which is what I had wanted to do for years.after 6mths I realised he had some mental problems and this was worsened by drugs and alcohol. he began to treat me badly when he was drunk,i would throw him out all the time when he really frightened me.but he would also cry like a little boy I could see there was more to this man he had problems and I decided I was goin to help him, during the last 5 and half years I have helped him more than anyone could,loved him,gave him a child he wanted ,we had a lovely home,nice cars even got married but during over 5yrs he has constantly hurt me by leaving me to go off with other women,he has emotionally and physichally tourchered me, we have lost everything materialistic. im goin to cut this hsort all I am going to say is WHAT HAVE I DONE TO NOT BE LOVED PROPERLY IN MY LIFE? ALL I HAVE TO LIVE FOR IS MY CHILDREN, I WAS LIED INTO HAVING BOTH CHILDREN WITH THE PROMISES OF LOVE AND SECURITY.everyday life is a struggle, at 30 I have 2 children by 2 horrible fathers a failed marriage ,my family consists of my mum and sister ,grandma and grandad all have moved away at least 100miles from me.iv had countless breakdowns but I am alone, I have have social services threatening to take my children away because of my husbands abuse towards me over the years even though we are apart.i have so much on my shoulders I have suicidle thoughts all teh time, I have few friends and iv no idea why, maybe because im stuck in the house all the time bringing up children. admittedly im considered very attractive and slim but thats not what counts is it when people say to me 'get another man'. I feel ugly inside used and abused by men,i have no faith in the future anymore and the worse thing is I still love my husband but he refuses to stop drinking and aslong as he is drinking he will abuse me and nowdays the social servioces see that as 'emotional and possible pyhsical harm to the children! I cannot win, life is too hard my husband knows of my sucide thoughts but still he does nothing he has me on a emotional roller coaster one day he loves me next day he hates me for no reason? i read about things like 'iv tried to commit suicide 15 times' WHAT? the time for me is very near when I kill myself I intend to cover myself with petrol , get in my car drive off a cliff whilst lighting myself, its all planned my children are the only reason I am hear today but I am so depressed im sure my children are getting depressed and if the social services dont take my children from me beacsue of my husand they will take them when they find out how depressed I am. i have not spoken to anyone apart from my husband about my plans and he thinks its me attention seeking, well I will prove him wrong. im sorry to my children they will recieve a letter each with beautifl words and thoughts I felt about them, I feel guilty and I hate myself for leaving them but I think theyre must be something wrong with me as all my relationships fail ,i am lonely I dont want to love anymore I always get hurt.i am so depressed I find it hard to breath never mind look after my kids, there is no one to help me.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   brock

im 15 and I have thoughts of suicide frequently. nothing has happened in my life to make me want to commit suicide but I have found the reason. life has lost its meaning to me... its luster whats supposed to make it shine. I am hurting inside and I have no where to turn. I need to talk to someone. please I am serious. I just need a friend someone I can talk to. im tired and I dont want to go on anymore. suicide is just the easiest way out. who ever shall read this I may or may not be dead it depends. if anyone talks to me in time. im tired of getting made fun of to. I have friends but none are supportive. people say that commiting suicide is weak, and that you would be a coward. but they have never been to the point where you just dont give a _____ if you live or if you die. I hope that this note is like a knife in your hearts. all you ever do is judge people. sincerely, brock



TITLE or NICK NAME:   we live to die

i don't know how I found this page. all I can think about is suicide. so just type it in and see what comes up. i'm 18 now, been depressed since I was 13. 5 straight years of hell. i've been on every medication out there, and nothing works. I am unable to talk about anything relating to the subject matter of feelings, especially not of those feelings that involve the desire to kill myself, so for the most part, i've made the conscious decision to build it all up inside so that I will one day freak out and go through with what I constantly fantasize about, suicide. i'm bipolar. manic-depressive. it's all in my head. i'm the most pessimistic person you will ever meet. the most cynical. to me, all life is is a time of consciousness leading to death. we live to die. and everyone will leave us in the end. in the end, it's every man for himself. and i've come to find that I can't be counted on. I screw myself over repeatedly. i've come to enjoy punishing myself for being the person i've become. i've made my life hell. no one else. I don't deserve what all I have. I was given a relatively normal life. I live in an average size home. I have an average family. 2 parents and a brother. I was never abused, never faced any kind of trauma in my childhood. only myself. I feel guilty. I see the screwed up lives other people have been forced to endure. why did I get let off the hook? I don't deserve to be happy. so I F up my own life. I deserve it. I hate everything about myself. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I walk. my voice annoys me, I always emberriss myself. i'm screwed up in every way. and I like it that way. because that's what I deserve. but now I want more. I want to be able to die. and why shouldn't i. we're all going to end up dying anyways. in a couple hundred years when our childeren are dead, and our grandchilderen dead, it will be as if we never existed anyways. no one will remember our names. so I sit here in my self hate. my suicidal thoughts. i've boxed up my things. decided who should get what. organized everything I own. gotten rid of the things I never want anyone to see or find. i'm ready. but I don't know if I can do it. I guess i'll find out.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   die

I say _____ life, _____ everyone, I don't care any more I am only 15 years old LEON has raped me and bashed me his name is Leon Hungerford he lives at 25 carmen close purono park TOWNSVILLE some one kill him he is a _____ head that needs to die he is just like me a worthless piece of _____ PLEASE SOMEONE KILL THAT PIECE OF _____ KILL HIM I SAY _____ HIM I HATE HIM AND GET THIS MY MUM DOES NOT CARE I HATE THAT FUCKEN BUSTED kill kill kill him I will dfuck his life up he will die die die dioe die die die death death death death death kill kill kill kill dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead



TITLE or NICK NAME:   jay.

i really hate my self and I dont know why ,my boyfriend is trying his best to help but I just push him away ive tried to top myself but I always get caught ive had depression 4 5 years and anything I do or any medication I take doesnt work im fat ugly and worthless but I dont know why I feel like this.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

Ny name is Elecia and I am from Brisbane Australia, I found out 4 weks ago that I am pregnant. My boyfriend then kicked me out of his house, broke up with me, I have no job, no money, no friends, my family is the worst thing to associate with at the present moment. And to top it all of, my now ex wants me to have an abortion on Valentines Day. Over the past few weeks I have tried and failed 2 times at suicide. In the end I put it down to the fact that even though I no longer want to live, I feel guilty to hurt my baby. Finally now I have made my final decision, I can not live anymore. I actually came online to find out a simple way of killing myself quite quickly. But I have it all sorted now. I just want everybody to know that depression is a terible thing. If someone tries to hurt themselves they need your love and support. I just wish I had that one person here for me that I love so much.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

i. dont. know. what. to. do. i am under so much pressure. I cant take it... 6 months ago, 1 of my friends tried to commit suicide twice in under 9 days. I saved her both times. a month after that, another friend tried to take her life with her fathers gun...twice again. I saved her both times. they are both cutters. I just learned that one of my other friends, my closest friend, is a cutter. she want to kill herself. I wont let her. ever. that friend was raped when she was 8, many times. the first friend I talked about was raped about 10 months ago. she got pregnant, and had to get an abortion in another state so her parents wouldnt know. my boyfriend, who I think I have fallen in love with, is a cutter/pyro. a real pyro. and he has been so sad lately. hes tried suicide 4 times in the last 2 weeks. I saved him, too, those times. another friend of mine, tried suicide by ODing...i made sure he got to the hospital. he barely made it. i am a cutter. i was raped when I was 6. many times. by the same person. my parents wish I was never born. i just turned 14 years old... what the hell did I do wrong? everything.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Sarah

You are not like me and I am not like you. But I want to help. anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on. I am here, contact me and I will ALWAYS be there. I am someone you can relate too.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

Hi my name is Tirzah. I'm 10 years old. I've heard of alot of suicides but knew none of those people. What I can say is that it's stupid. They don't think. they just do. In all of the suicides I've heard about all of those who knew them were heartbroken.My advice is think. Think about you're family and friends. If you're hurting really bad then talk. My mom has a brain desiese called astrophy. Her brain is shrinking. she could Die any second so as of now I am seeing a counceler. I think that could save alot of people. I may only be 10 but I can help. E-mail me at tnmate95_____charter_____ please THINK. TIRZIE



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

Hello, It seems to me that writing about my experiences with suicide will only get lost among the many others that have gone through the same thing. After reading the posted messages, I have come to the conclusion that in the eyes of society and the bigger scheme of things, suicide is seen as just another tragic statistic and no one's problem but the person who committed the act. The media doesn't help the situation by influencing the views people have about those who attempt or complete suicide. The media paints the picture of suicide as something people with big problems do or people trying to run away from their responsibilties do. They equate attempts or completions of suicide as being cowardly, selfish, taking the easy way out or being crazy. In short, they blame us, and are indifferent to what's really going on. What's wrong with this picture and what can we do about it? I've out grown telling my story and now what's most important to me is enlightening people about this subject, even if only one person opens their mind to learn about what the myths of suicide are. Talking about what I've gone through is a mute subject and something I can't do anything about. I can only talk so much about my issues and past before I have to move on. I get therapy once a week and take medications for a mental condition. Suicide is no longer a consideration and in part I credit the medications for this. I laugh more and think of nothing else but the present, one day at a time. Letting go and trying not to control things in my life is the healthiest perspective I've ever had. A person can't move ahead in life if they are always looking back. It's my hope that someone reads and understands my message. Thank You.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   ANITRA

WHY DO I HATE MYSELF SO? THATS A GREAT QUESTION. HA YEA.MY SELF HATE STATS FROM LONG AGO. MY MOTHER TURNED HER BACK ON US KIDS WHEN WE WERE LITTLE TO LIVE HER DRUG ADDICTED LIFE. WE WENT FROM FOSTER HOME TO HOME. I NEVER SEEMED TO FIT IN. I WAS ALWAYS LONGING FOR A MOTHER WHO DIDNT GIVE A CARE IF WE WERE DEAD OR ALIVE. AND NOW IM GROWN AND ON MY OWN IM STILL NOT HAPPY WITH ME. IM FAT AND UGLY. TODAY I WENT TO FIND SOME THING TO WEAR FOR A JOB FAIR AND NOTHING FIT RIGHT. SO I DID WHAT I DO BEST. LEAVE OUT THE STORE CRYING, HATING MY SELF AND WANT TO END MY LIFE. MAYBE THEN I'LL FINALY BE FREE FROM ME. WHAT IS IT TO BE FREE FROM ME? TO LOOK IN THE MIRROW AND LOVE WHAT I SEE. TO KNOW I'M LIVING EVERYDAY TO BE THE BEST ME. FINDING THE RIGHT OUTFIT THAT SAYS GIRL YOUR HOT. AND DARING ANY ONE TO SAY I'M NOT. AWAKING KNOWING TODAY IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DAY. AND KNOWING THEIR WILL BE MAY MORE DAYS LIKE TODAY. LOVING ME AND LIKING WHAT I SEE BEING FREE FROM ME , BUT THEN I WAKE UP AND SEE THAT LIFE ISNT FREE SO WHY SHOULD I BE....ANITRA



TITLE or NICK NAME:   MEL

I USE TO BE SUICIDAL



TITLE or NICK NAME:   BLADE

WHEN I WAS 13 YEARS OLD I USE TO CUT MYSELF WITH BLADES ON MY WRISTS, UPPER ARMS AND INNER THIGHS BECAUSE OF THE THINGS I WENT THROUGH AND I AM NOW 18 YEARS OLD AND STILL CONTINUE TO DO IT I JUST CAN'T ANYMORE I NEED HELP!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   jack

hi my real names carly but everyone calls me jack after jack the ripper, cause I tried to kill myself about 5 times over the last 2 years by slashing my wrists, my life since the age of 12 has been a blur of alcahol and drugs,i was molested and spent 3 years living with a man 22 years my senior who broke my heart abused me and manipulated me... my last attempt was only last week and I was found drunk and bleeding to death by my brother and ex boyfreind who I live wit, I cant stop drinking and im so scared that next time I get drunk im gonna do somthing to destroy what little dignety I have left. I no longer take drugs but I still have no job, I broke up with my ex in a drunken state of stupid, I cant stop sleeping around.. my life is an empty black hole and I feel worthless.. I scare away any potentiol freinds with my crazyness. im only 18 but I wish I could just start all over. dont you wish somtimes life had a rewind button??



TITLE or NICK NAME:   I feel the same as u do

well where do I start I think about killing my self every min of every day to stop this feeling I cut myself it used to help to see the blood fall from my arms but now the pain is stronger so I have to cut more and more now I find that im cutting myself every day and I cant get thiugh the day with out doing it. I know people say you can get passed it but how hard is it when your at that point I know I have people who love me very much and for that I am really blessed but along the way I have lived I have hurt a lot of people that have loved me and for that I will always be turly sorry and for that I must punish myself. I have lyed and done things that I am not proud of but how do you tell the people around you that you have made _____ with your life.underneath I proberbly wont kill myself but I sure will keep trying to do it and maybe one day when I have {if} I get passed this maybe I will be able to smile and be happy that im still here. and even if no one ever reads this this has help me to write this even for 5 mins I have not wanted to cut myself.to the other people if you I feel for you I not what you are going though and my heart goes out to you.thanks



TITLE or NICK NAME:   death

ever since I was little I have been teased and made fun of. now im older and I think im a worthless piece of crap. I put everyone before myself now and I can tell they dont care. I think my girlfriend is cheating on me and everything. you cant trust people when you cant trust yourself. im not on any medication or anything. I keep everything inside of me and it builds up. lately I have had the feeling of killing myself because it seems like no one cares about me anymore. I just think I was never ment to be here. all I do is hurt people I dont want to hurt.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   jack

well, its been a while and nothings gotten better just worse, I cut again not so deep but a fair bit, and now my flatmates are gonna kik me out their just sick of the fighting and the drinking, my world really is crumbeling b4 my eyes. I feel like a peice of fuken _____ and noon wants to see me they just step around me I dont want attention I just want to live in peace I pray to god every day to help me find a place I belong, im so scared im going to just live this unhappy shallow existanse b cause I cant do anything right not evan 4 myself, im better off gone, selfish yeh but just the thought of not being here tomorow gives me such a wicked sense of relif.is there anyone out there whounderstands we havnt all led happy shelterd _____ peachy keen lives and those of us who havent need to stop being condemmed for our mistakesfuck this _____ this life why cant I just be like everyone else and fell whole



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Hey guys

hey there ive had alot of my friends commit suicide and I really dont know what to tell you guys I have seen 15 of my friends commit suicide with in the last few months of my life and one of my friends witnessed all this and she was goig insanse plz guys ask for help I dont want to have to go to another one of my friends funerals plz think about this and if you still think its right plz call the help line



TITLE or NICK NAME:   a bunch of rabbits

ok so I have had a pretty easy life. Nothing really awfull has happened to me yet I feel like I want to die. I was diagnosed as Bi polar and been given all sorts of drugs to help me. Now everyone asks me all the time did you take your pills how do you feell are you ok. Yes I take my pills, I still feel awful inside and can't help it. No I'm not ok and fear I never will be. And mostly I feel guilty for feeling the way I do. I have left my husbadn and daughter and have been seeing another guy. I'm still involved with my husbadn but tell this other guy I'm not. And my husbadn has no idea I'm with this other guy. I don't know why. My husband is a good man, but not very loving. this other guy is so loving and gentle. I feel so great when I'm with him. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him. But I took vows with my husbadn and feel obligated to still help pay the bills be nice to him ,and sometimes he still asks me to have intercourse with him. My parents are great they have both always been there for me in my life, even though my Dad lives 6 hours away he always just a phone call away. But I don't call either of them when I feel like this. I'm so sick of myself and how I treat other people. I have lied alot lately and don't know how to fix it. I don't want my loved ones to have to worry or concern them self with me anymore. If I just give up now and go away, then It will one big hurt and then no more after that. Were as if I keep going I just keep hurting the ones around me. Please help me I prey to God. I prey he will let me die. I'm afraid I'll go to hell if I kill myself. So here I sit trying to cope with life. And it seems pointless.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   jay

Hi my name is jordan im 20 years old and writing this short letter to let who ever wants to read it about my life. well I lost my mum when I was 7 from breast cancer which totally destroyed my life as we were so close and I was a mummys boy and now she s gone I feel like I have an empty space and sometimes I feel like there is no point in life as I miss her so much. I have never met my dad . and my gran brought me up I also have a twin sister and an older brother never got on with them or the rest of my family and still dont feel like an outsider of the family and dont feel wanted was abused as a child from my gran and went throug years of hell. now my gran has moved down south to stay with her daughter my sister moved out im left with my older brother and I never see any of them that much my brother works alot 2 so that s why I hardly ever see him. I dont have many friends as I dont have the confidence in myself to make any. and sometimes im scarred of leaving the house as im scarred of what others think of me or what others might do. ive spoken to lots of people about what ive been thro and nonone seems to understand me I just need help I dont want to do anything stupid to myself there is people out there fightning for there lives why would I want to be so stupid and end mine but I just feel I cant go on unless I get some help to move on and feel better within myself hope to hear from yas soon



TITLE or NICK NAME:   sorrowed

I dont know what to do anymore I want to die so badly.. I have sat with teh knife at my throat befroe buti put it down everytime.. I keep losing peopel slose to me and dont talk to any of my friends any more I am falling apart I justr want to die.. why cant I stop thinking about how my parents will feel. I dont wnat tolive anymore. I dont know how much longer I am going to last.. I feel death creeping up to me and I dont want to stop it



TITLE or NICK NAME:   depressed4life

Hello, my name is...well I cant say, but I just would like to share my story, with everyone. Maybe it will be some of help to some people or maybe not. Currently I am 20 years old. I live with my parents and my brother and his wife and I live with my sisters(4 of them)and I our house is small with two bedrooms. I have been in this country for 15 years. I dont remember a lot as a child, but I have a vivid picture of those days. I do however remember something that started since I was 5, tell now. When I was three my uncle would take me to his house and start to touch me in places I did not want to be touched. It went on for a while, but I could'nt tell anyone. Once we came to the states I thought I was safe, until I was dramitized again, this time it was my own father. I would be taking a shower and there he was standing. I kept the secret with me, tell now because I dont want my parents to get in fights and end up getting a divorce because of me after 22 yrs of marraige. I once tryed to tell my mother and she asked my father and he said he would never do such a thing and she beleived himover me. I tried commiting suicide 4 years ago at the age of 16 but it failed because I couldnt cut my neck any deeper. at the age of 18 I hit a bad depression because my boyfriend left me and I lost my job and my father wa still doing what he normally did to me. So I went to a local pharmacy and picked up some unknown drugs and swallowed about 13 pills in one time. I ended up in the hosiptal for 2 weeks close to death. Next thing u know I woke up. I did'nt want to stay living I wanted to die, but taking the thirteen pills did'nt work. tell this day I wish that I never woke up. On topp of that I have very strict parents. I cant go out, I cant hang out with friends, I have to be a person I do not want to be. Since there was no way out every problem I would hit, I would start cutting myself. I have been doing that for 1 yr and my body is a distater. not to brag, but I'm pretty and the sweetest person you can meet, and people love to take advantage of me. I wrote this because I need help. any one who can email me back with something or some kind of help I would love it. you would be the only way Of keeping me away from killing my self. My email address is shareeen123_____hotmail_____. please help me



TITLE or NICK NAME:   depressed4life

Hello, my name is...well I cant say, but I just would like to share my story, with everyone. Maybe it will be some of help to some people or maybe not. Currently I am 20 years old. I live with my parents and my brother and his wife and I live with my sisters(4 of them)and I our house is small with two bedrooms. I have been in this country for 15 years. I dont remember a lot as a child, but I have a vivid picture of those days. I do however remember something that started since I was 5, tell now. When I was three my uncle would take me to his house and start to touch me in places I did not want to be touched. It went on for a while, but I could'nt tell anyone. Once we came to the states I thought I was safe, until I was dramitized again, this time it was my own father. I would be taking a shower and there he was standing. I kept the secret with me, tell now because I dont want my parents to get in fights and end up getting a divorce because of me after 22 yrs of marraige. I once tryed to tell my mother and she asked my father and he said he would never do such a thing and she beleived himover me. I tried commiting suicide 4 years ago at the age of 16 but it failed because I couldnt cut my neck any deeper. at the age of 18 I hit a bad depression because my boyfriend left me and I lost my job and my father wa still doing what he normally did to me. So I went to a local pharmacy and picked up some unknown drugs and swallowed about 13 pills in one time. I ended up in the hosiptal for 2 weeks close to death. Next thing u know I woke up. I did'nt want to stay living I wanted to die, but taking the thirteen pills did'nt work. tell this day I wish that I never woke up. On topp of that I have very strict parents. I cant go out, I cant hang out with friends, I have to be a person I do not want to be. Since there was no way out every problem I would hit, I would start cutting myself. I have been doing that for 1 yr and my body is a distater. not to brag, but I'm pretty and the sweetest person you can meet, and people love to take advantage of me. I wrote this because I need help. any one who can email me back with something or some kind of help I would love it. you would be the only way Of keeping me away from killing my self. My email address is shareeen123_____hotmail_____. please help me



TITLE or NICK NAME:   jack

well, I just wanted to tell y all that finally im beginning to fell like the black cloud is lifting, theres been no more cutting and I havnt felt the need to for a while, I moved out of the hellhole I was living in found soome old freinds and am about to traval interstate. its funny though to thi8nk how deep I was in all the pain and all it took is somthing to ocupy my mind with insted of focasing on all the hurt and how badly6 everyone around me was treating me, I just packed myself up gave them the almighty finger and left. so heres to new beginnings, heres to looking after number one. I wish everyone who visits this site the best in finding their happiness, stay strong evan when your feeling weak, remember your courages for still existing.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

i feel like dieing almost every day my life sucks..i hate my self i selfharm and I find it takes awy the pain i feel soo depressed and loney and think life need to end any minute now help me



TITLE or NICK NAME:   why?

im 14, and I feel worthless, like I have no purpose here. i wish every night for nothing but happiness, but it dosnt happen. whats stoping me from killing myself, is the thought of burning in hell forever, so yeah, i'm gonna stay in this hell hole place, us humans call earth, until I get the guts to do something about it



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Joe Osborn

In my life I have seen some messed up things, at the age of five my stepdad had his head shot off with a 12 gauge shotgun. I then joined the crip gang in L.A. I have gotten away from that lifestyle, but every day I regret what I have done to others and every day I ask God why have you not killed me yet. I have tried killing nyself a lot of times, and half of the time I wish I was dead already. Even to this day I still think about slitting my wrists or shooting myself, even as I sit here and write this I wish I was dead to the whole world because I know this, no one would ever miss me. I have lived a horrible life and I try my hardest to make things work but all I do is bring pain to the ones I love. So I just wanted to say im sorry to all the people in my life I have ever hurt.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   notravvie

i hate it alll.... this liftttlr



TITLE or NICK NAME:   fatty

i am 40 now and pray every night when I go ot bed to die. I am married with three lovely kids but still I want to die, I haven't got the guts to kill myself so I pray for a heart attack also I don't want my kids to have the stigma of a mother who killed herself. I don't talk to any of my family, who knows why,you would think it would bother me but to be honest I don't care anymore, probably the kids will miss me , that is my only regret



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

im 7 months pregnant and did the most stupid thing 4 months ago,i suffered severe insomnia and panic attacks whhich scared the living daylights ouy of me,stupidly I overdosed on zoplicone which a docter prescribed,thinking that id go into a deep sleep and everything would be ok.how wrong im now affected severly mentally and hate myself,i had the perfect homelife I asked for help at docs but he just prescribed pills,dangerous when id told him I was already depreesed.my only option is suicide,but how when you dont want to die but you have to,im gona hurt so many people but there is really no alternative as life is hell.i just hope god forgives me as I was once a lovely girl its such a shame



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

its the girl whos pregnant again,im scared to leave the house to buy alcohol and drugs,i want to jump in front of a train but im scared,what am I going to do,i really really cant stand being alive and cant believe my life has ended mentally just need my body to follow,by the time anybody reads this I hope im dead,if not I really dont know where ill be,dont ever use drugs I didnt even smoke,god bless you all and I hope you all find peace dont commit suicide if I had a choice I wouldnt



TITLE or NICK NAME:   stupid cow

its the 7 month pregnant one again,my life is getting unbearable my partner is such a lovely man all I wanted to do was sleep,im not evil ijust got so messed up in my head through lack of sleep,plese will someone reply to me on here it would be nice,im going to get benadryl as someone else on here said you just fall asleep,im scared of an attempt failing,i really must go,love to you all,like I said earlier,dont do it,there really is no way out for me,i just hope I go to heaven,



TITLE or NICK NAME:   stupid cow

ive been to the chemist and bought 2 packs of benadryl and 2 packs of nurofen,i also have vodka,im still scared of doing it,i cant believe how ive _____ up my life.i really hope I succeed where ever im going it cant be worse than the pai im suffering now,love to you all



TITLE or NICK NAME:   hey stupid cow,

its ok I understand, its jack and things arnt all good, I hope u see this and reply because things are still fcuked up for me too ,,,, ive been taking prescription pills and I took 2 much and it fuked my head so if ur still out there write back on this site...



TITLE or NICK NAME:   jack

i want to take a big handfull of pills and die in peace, im only here for those who rely on me, when all my siblings are grown I will off myself because I am an orphan at heart with a junkie mother who used me like an object... I have talent but will anyone care,,, noone sees me, I just want to be with my dad, michael mclean, he died of a drug overdose when I was 4 ..



TITLE or NICK NAME:   stupid cow

im still here but it is living nightmare idont know why idid it,i suffered a really bad panic attacks on a nighght,and was very depressed but was ashamed to admit it,ithought the depression was just from lack of sleep but it wasnt,i just wanted to sleep so took an extre tab,it worked but then the panic attacks became worse and worse I sstupidly thought the tabs were stopping them but they were making it worse,now im severlly mentally disturbed and ive mentally ended my life,i want to die peacefuly but scared of going to hell,ive always been so kind I cant belive I have been stupid enough to do this to myself,the worst thing is my partners and families lives are on the verge of collapse and they have no idea,my partner thinks they would be out of my system by now,if only it worked like that,can anyone help me



TITLE or NICK NAME:   NoChance

I am 35. I was a believer, but I no longer believe in a god or any other nonsense. I am a good person because being good to people is the right thing to do, not out of fear of a hell or a vengeful entity. Which leads to my desire for suicide. There is no fear in me. I simply don't know how to do it in a way to save others grief. I am a handsome, talented individual with lots of friends. But I am in misery. I am on an antidepressant and medication for my bipolar disorder, but I'm still in a state of depression. I want to hurt myself and die so badly. I have no children I am responsible for. I guess I'm responsible for nothing, except work-related commitments, and even with those I can be replaced. I want to stop taking up the world's resources. I have no one around me who understands this hopeless, dark feeling that has constantly been with me since I was very young. Maybe someone here knows that feeling too. Tonight is the night I feel I may try to kill myself... but I don't know.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   2 1/2 years later

Jan 19 2004, 10 days before his 40th birthday. From what I've learned a popular time for white caucasssion men to blow their heads off. Now I'm a 1 year old daughter, 3000 miles and a new husband removed from the HORROR. Untill his now orphaned 17 year old son comes to see me, now I realize neither I nor him will ever be whole again. The unbeliavable, indescribable, uncomprehensivable GUILTY,ANGUISH,SORROW,and PAIN will never go away. To all those people out their thinking only of themselves and contemplating suscide, remember you won't be the only one rotting in hell for eternity the ones you leave behind will follow you their..............................



TITLE or NICK NAME:   pru

my life has gone so wrong I was with my boyfriend about 4 years it all lovly and fun at first and then he started to get abusive towards me and last summer I fell pregnant and I thought it change him it did for a little while then when he blamed me of cheeting we argued and I lost the baby we stayed together till 3 weeks ago when I just said I had enough and left he dint follow me but I had a job I loved and it kept my mind off it intil yesterday I got the sack unfairly know I just dont see life worth living not got anything to live for so I may as well die I just dont no how to kill myself overdose be easier but will it work or shall I just slit my wrists but will that work I dont want to saved



TITLE or NICK NAME:   IF U COULD HELP ME U COULD BE THE ONE THAT SAVES MY LIFE...

MY NAME IS ASHLEY LYNN I HAVE HAD SUICIDLE THOUGHTS EVER SINCE I LEFT HOME I AM RECENTLY A DRUG ADDICT ADDICTED TO THE DRUG BETTER KNOWN AS METH. RECENTLY I HAVE THOUGHT BOUT TAKING THE GUN THESE PEOPLE HAVE IN THE HALLWAY AND KILLING MYSELF I DONT LIKE THE PERSON I AM OR I HAVE BECOME I AM HURTING THOSE AROUND ME AND DISAPOINTED MY OWN MOTHER THE ONE THAT GAVE BIRTH TO ME I LEFT HER FOR MY STUPID ADDICTION THINGS ARNT THE SAME I DONT ASSOCIATE WITH NO ONE AND I THINK ABOUT GETTING HIGH ALL DAY I HATE MYSELF I AM LETTING MYSELF GO DAY BY DAY HELP SOMEONE IM AFRAID TO DIE.... I LOVE MY MOM SOOOOOO MUCH IT MAKES ME SICK WHAT IM DOING TO HER AND MY FAMILY ...IM SCARED.... I DONT WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE..SAVE ME -ASHLEY



TITLE or NICK NAME:   DISSAPOINTED the one that truely cared for me now shes gone

MY NAME IS ASHLEY LYNN I HAVE HAD SUICIDLE THOUGHTS EVER SINCE I LEFT HOME I AM RECENTLY A DRUG ADDICT ADDICTED TO THE DRUG BETTER KNOWN AS METH. RECENTLY I HAVE THOUGHT BOUT TAKING THE GUN THESE PEOPLE HAVE IN THE HALLWAY AND KILLING MYSELF I DONT LIKE THE PERSON I AM OR I HAVE BECOME I AM HURTING THOSE AROUND ME AND DISAPOINTED MY OWN MOTHER THE ONE THAT GAVE BIRTH TO ME I LEFT HER FOR MY STUPID ADDICTION THINGS ARNT THE SAME I DONT ASSOCIATE WITH NO ONE AND I THINK ABOUT GETTING HIGH ALL DAY I HATE MYSELF I AM LETTING MYSELF GO DAY BY DAY HELP SOMEONE IM AFRAID TO DIE.I LOVE MY MOM SO MUCH IT MAKES ME SICK WHAT IM DOING TO HER AND MY FAMILY IM SCARED I DONT WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE



TITLE or NICK NAME:   hey stupid cow

hey stupid cow I fel u and I understand ur fellingss.... contact me...



TITLE or NICK NAME:   depressed

I have been married for 21 years, & all I do is cry day & night. My husband has cheated, lied, & has taken money from me. Of coarse, he denies this. I want out of this marriage so bad that my only way out is by suscide. Both of us are on disability, I receive $360.00 a month, he receives $1,000.00 a month. Our home is in my name so I cant' afford the payments, he can. But does he make the payments? NO!! He goes to the topless bars & gambles. I just can't take it anymore!!! Depressed



TITLE or NICK NAME:   H

The scariest feeling I have ever had to deal with was when I discoverd I had no hope and little faith left to live on. You see, I beleive there is a time in everyone's life when he or she needs to evaluate their life and determine if they have "lived" or just merely existed for someone's cruel joke. I have come to that point, and have determined I haven't been a good steward with my life. I am 31 years old. I have lost my job, moved back home with my parents, and have nothing to look forward to anymore. I have no skills and no college degree. I have had no companion in my life, no friends; nothing that one collects over their years that shows how successful they are. There is no hope for me anymore. The depression, the sadness, the weight, it eats at me like a cancer. I spend more time thinking now how I would like to end my poor, pathetic life. I have even come up with a plan. I duct tape one end of a hose to my tailpipe and the other end goes into my mouth while I am sitting behind my wheel and listening to music, taking deep breaths. Why haven't I done this yet? I am afraid I might botch it up like I do everything else and end up a vegtable in a mental hosiptal. My soul and mind are dead, and yet my body still breathes. Why can't I just die now?



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Baby

I often have feelings of suicide. What stops me are my two beautiful children who I love dearly. I'm married to the father of my children and we all live together. It's a complete nightmare. My husband is verbally abusive to me and my oldest child. I want to leave with my children but my husband threatens he will kill me and my children if I leave. I am married to a monster!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   islander

hi, ive most of ur stories and I really feel for all of u. im not a suicidal person but I do think of suicide nd I fink wot life wuld be like for mah family if I wasnt around. but im always a cheerful person nd I dont like to c people unhappy or depressed nd I try to cheer dem up. I fink dat u suld all seek sum1 to help wif all ur problems. suicide aint da way out of nefing. help comes in da form of people even in fings dont look be down on urselves but have faith in urselves. TURN TO GOD IF U DONT FIND HELP PHYSICALLY HE WILL ALWAYS B DEA 4 U ND IS WILLING TO LISTEN ND HELP U. God bless u all



TITLE or NICK NAME:   islander

hi, ive read most of ur stories and I really feel for all of u. im not a suicidal person but I do think of suicide nd I fink wot life wuld be like for mah family if I wasnt around. but im always a cheerful person nd I dont like to c people unhappy or depressed nd I try to cheer dem up. I fink dat u suld all seek sum1 to help wif all ur problems. suicide aint da way out of nefing. help comes in da form of people even in fings dont look be down on urselves but have faith in urselves. TURN TO GOD IF U DONT FIND HELP PHYSICALLY HE WILL ALWAYS B DEA 4 U ND IS WILLING TO LISTEN ND HELP U. God bless u all



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Marip0sa Pobrecita

hello to whomever is reading this. this is sort of funny b/c I was looking for easy methods of suicide on the web and happened to stumble onto this forum. i'd planned on doing "it" tonite, but i'm afraid that i'll fail at this just like everything else. I thought about pills. . . I hear thats a calm way to go. basically I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I force myself to sleep alot, thinking just maybe... I don't know whats wrong with me or how to change it. I remember a ghost of myself, how I used to be. I used to be so vibrant and outgoing. I was always joking around making people laugh. . . talking to complete strangers and making the friends. I was so full of life. and creative, man, was i. I loved to write, I loved film. I always wanted to be a writer. but one day I just couldn't write anymore. I used to be so active. I loved to run, I would run five miles a day twice a day. now i've put on 20 lbs, I can't write anymore, there are days when I say less than a complete sentence, i'm 25 and haven't finished school, I live w/ my mother (who I hardly speak to b/c i'm always locked away inside myself). I can't even function anymore. I just want to lock myself away. as of today its been four days since i've left the house, or even been outside. I just feel so ugly I don't want anyone to see me b/c i'm so fat, i'm poor. no one hates me more than I hate myself. I have no friends. . . I left them behind when I moved and none of them bother to call. I can't think straight. all I think about day and night, minute after minute is ending it all. i've been through alot in my life and I just have nothing more to give. I don't have it in me to pick myself up again. my body is physically exhausted from the emotional exhaustion. yesterday I scratched my stomach bloody b/c its so ugly. I slapped myself in the face b/c its ugly too. I used to cut myself so that my thoughts would stop, just so I couldn't think anything anymore. I haven't done that in a year now. yesterday was the first time I hurt myself again. but I think that I will start that again b/c I just can't take these thoughts. I can't deal with it. I can't even hold a job lately b/c I don't want to be around people. I don't want to be in the world so I remove myself from it. I want to remove myself from it completely. I have no one to talk to about these things so its actually nice to be able to get this out. I can't talk to my mother. . . she doesn't understand. I know she loves me, she's just one of those types that can't talk about things like that. if I try to open up, she cuts me off "don't say that, don't be stupid" or she'll just drown out my attempt w/ her own problems. its funny, i've spent my life being "the rock" to my friends and family. always being there for them supporting them, listening. forever listening. giving advice. and now, now I need "a rock", I need someone to maybe just listen, say i'm worthy, put their arms around me. at least try to make it alright. and I have no one. quite the irony. I pray. I pray all of the time. but I can no longer feel the presence of God. I know he's there, just not for me. and I don't blame him. . . i'm a loser, i've failed him. I just want to die, peacefully and painlessly. I think i've endured enough pain. I don't want to think anymore, I don't want to breathe anymore. I feel the most comfort in silence and darkness. I just want to envelope myself in permanent silence and let the darkness cradle me. . . and rest. .. always.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

Hello all The bible teaches that suicide is nothing more than the Devil whispering in your ear telling you lies to destroy your life. The bible also teaches us that this life is just a vapor in time compared to eternity. There is a heaven and a hell. The thought of torment forever and ever with not being able to die makes a person really question what they believe. Your life here on earth, with its struggles, could be as good as it ever gets. The good news that I have to offer someone who is hurting is that Jesus loves you and wants to adopt you into his family. The struggles we go through are part of his plan to mold us into something great. He is just waiting with his arms open wide for you to come to him. You must take the first step. I encourage you to put your faith in Jesus that he alone will get you through the toughest times of your life. Just pray to him for help. There is a brand new start for anyone willing. I am living proof that a relationship with Jesus will bring peace and self acceptance. I pray that this simple message may save your life and make it brand new.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   sparky

hey well this is my first time at doing this so please bear with me. I dont know what to write really but hey here goes. it all stated when I was younger.i was abused by a member of my family for a while til I was old enough to not go round when my mum was at work. my life just started to fall apart from the very first day. the thoughts running through my head were like so painful and disturbing I could not begin to imaine. I could not believe it. I could not believe that this family member would have the guts and balls to do something to me.i would cry myself to sleep everyday.when time had passed I started to get over the pain and started living mylefe again. then when I was 15 I come out that I was gay. the whole family said they knew but before I come out to my family I told my cousin only because he was confused and we would have long chats about it. he used to ask me what it was like and what happens and stuff like that. so we talked everyday or so for hour on end.a few monhs later he came out aswel that he was gay and that was it thats when my life fell apart again. the depression and pain just come flooding back. I got the blame off my uncle for making my cousin gay and so on. but because my cousin was stll young I think 13 at the time then his dad reported me to social serives for appantly abusing his son and making him gay. I would not mind but no one knew that I had actually been through and would not wish it on anyone. I understood the pain and the way you feel the feel of dirt and as if you have been used. so I got interview and interview by differnet people. I just could not believe how my life was panning out. when in the end I thought well if I come out that I was abused then maybe they would think, well he knows how it feels and the pain people go through.maybe they would believe me thats all that was on my mine. then in the end the interviews stopped and nothing else was heard of so it did work.But my family still did not belive had it happened. we all fell out and I dont speak to anyone on my mums side of the family. we are not 3 years on and not even a smile or a hi.falling out made my life worst because I was really close to them and I missed them and I still do now. the crying at night started again because I missed them. I stopped loving my mum and dad and even my sister.i felt as if I could not love anyone anymore and it just felt as if no one loved me. then I become suicidal and tryed killing myself 6 time in the past year or so. once of which I nearly did. I was in hospital for 3 weeks. where I was referred to a councilor. I had to go every week for an hour. to me though it made it worst talking about things and hem just nodding and agreeing whilst writing in a book. it just never helped. so I stopped going after a year. I really tried I did but it just felt it was a waste of time. I was put on snti-dpressant and sleeping pills both of which also did not work. I started going out then making friend trying to cure my own dpression. well that was the worst thing in my life. now I have been raped twice. now I just feel like _____ all the time. I still cry myself to sleep at night. I dont really go out anymore and if I do my best friend doesnt leave myside. all my life I just pray for a family who would be there for me and would believe me in bad situation. but not I promise myself not to fall back in love with my family beause it will happen again. then finally I found a boyfriend. goodlooks,good personality but most inportantly made me happy and never let me down. made me see what life is worth I love him so much but we split after 2 years the only person I loved and no im starting to hurt again. my self harm days I think are coming back and I dont want that. well im gonna shut up and I will write again in the near future. thanks for reading this. by the way I am only still 18 how _____.



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Mary.B

Yes, I am suicidle, but its not a crime. I have good reasons to be, but I dont like to let them out and now I think I'm brave enough to tell about it. I cut my self when times get hard, people have tried to stop me before, but they never achieved. I really do think that my dad does not love me, but because he acts like it, and when he doesn't call on my birthday, I wonder if he ever knows how that feels. He doesn't because his dad has been there all his life. My dad has four kids and I'm the only one he doesn't want he always trys to say I'm not his but I know for a fact that I am. I also cut myself because alot of people like to spread rumors about me, and talk _____, but how would they like it if I went around to all the reserves and told lies. Sometimes I wanna just kill myself and get it over with, but then I think of how it would affect the people around me and the ones I love. I have treid to hang myself once but my boyfriend stopped me, so now he doesn't let me be alone, and I thank him for that because if I was ever left alone, I would probably be dead!



TITLE or NICK NAME:   Anonymous

Hello, my name is not important. Right now I am at the end. There is nothing ledft for me. No matter how hard I try it is all falling apart around me. I just want all the pain, lonliness and saddness to leave. I am a professional with many years of experience and I just want it all to end. I am ready to end it. I guess I am afraid, but the pain inside is just too much any more. So what is the use to continue? Yeah I know it all sounds selfish, but I'm just tired of the crap.


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